We have focused on the family quite a lot; in particular the central role it has in protecting children and enhancing their well-being.
The family is probably the principal repository and source of compassion in society. (For example, in a previous post I highlighted the role that the family has, through upward causation, in determining what happens in society in general, or indeed at a global level).
Mark Twain commented ‘home is a place that, when you go there, they have to let you in’, or something like that.
While even in well-functioning families compassion has a tendency to be somewhat conditional, it is hard to imagine a family without it. Allied to this, a characteristic of a family, even a well-functioning one, is that, sometimes, behaviours that would not be acceptable in the world outside are tolerated.
I believe that the unique emotional undercurrents that prevail in families – i.e. the cultural make-up of the family – and that are not really observed in the world outside both give rise to this tolerance and are the result of it.
How to harness the power of these undercurrents, and, in supporting families that have the characteristics of the Focus Group, how to ensure that they tend towards nurture and not destruction requires skill, leadership ability, and very good judgment that comes from both experience and commitment to open and honest communication.
In the good enough family it is the parents that do this.
I have devoted a full Chapter to cultural matching when we are supporting families and individuals in distress. But it is relevant in family life too – because one of the most challenging aspects of joint parenting is the matching of the cultures of the two families that the parents come from.
When that matching is good enough, it is likely that children’s well-being – not some harmful element of the culture of one of the families of origin – will be the most important influencer of decisions that are made. Members of the compassionate family (or extended family) will reach out to the one in pain – not ignore, criticise or disparage him.
This happens all the time in families because we are a compassionate species and it bubbles up no matter what.
And, in might also open us up to new direction in our thinking, i.e. that we might consider having some characteristics of a good enough family in our organisations.