I now invite you to think of the headline ‘Man Murdered in…..’ and the subsequent media attention that follows.
Let us say that the murder happens in an estate in one of our big towns or cities where there has always been a high level of anti-social behaviour and crime, where, even during so-called boom times, there is high unemployment, dependency, exclusion, [1] and where a higher than average number of families have someone belonging to them in the prison system.
Now imagine the effect on the victim’s family, (including when the man who is murdered is known to Gardaí), the perpetrators family; children involved in both the perpetrator’s and victim’s families and their extended families.
Now try and calculate the cost to the state of the investigation, the (usually long) court case and the subsequent imprisonment. Then think of the downstream cost of other aspects of the violent act, such as:
1. The victim’s family including (possibly) children who are indescribably distressed by the loss of their loved one – such loss being evident for a very long time – or for ever.
2. Victim’s family members living with (often unresolvable) anger, fear and anxiety.
3. Children of the perpetrator, who are traumatised by the crime, emotionally distressed and acting out, referred to child protection services, perhaps being medicated, and ultimately falling into addiction themselves, and the cycle repeating itself.
4. Fear, anger and anxiety of parents and other concerned adults in the perpetrator’s family.
5. The cost to the Health Service of the physical illnesses that are so prevalent in families affected by imprisonment, linked to stress experienced over many years or decades.
6. The sadness, loss and trauma of early, untimely deaths of adults in the families which may happen due to ongoing ill health.
7. The level of dependency usually experienced within the family and the cost to the State of that.
And many more……..
Now when I think about a person committing a serious crime, I always think of a child who was misunderstood, who became isolated, or whose normal growth and development was, for whatever reason, inhibited or delayed in some way. This is because virtually every person that I know who is doing a long stretch in prison for a so-called headline crime was in deep distress as a child and teenager.
That is not to say that their parents were neglectful, or irresponsible or to blame. The vast majority of young people who get involved in crime and addiction have a parent or parents – and often grandparents – who have been crying out for help for years if not decades.
However, the parents frequently experience the help offered to be inaccessible, short term, culturally unsympathetic to their situation or even punitive, or all of the above.
Now I am fairly sure that every practitioner working in this area would agree that parents of children who are struggling, and who are motivated and responsible should be invited to be involved in the solution to their children’s problems, rather than coerced. In the case of children affected by imprisonment, one parent, (often Dad) may be in prison.
This website will spend a good bit of time describing, exploring and considering the context of our invitation to parents to be involved!
In my experience, because it usually requires great courage on behalf of the parents to be part of the solution, the invitation needs to be offered by people with whom they have a trusting relationship.
And one of the biggest challenges here for the prospective helper, (unlike the expert in the previous post who is certain that he knows what should be done) is having the courage (and confidence) to be uncertain.
[1] As an aside – I have always thought it funny that the word exclusion is used in the context of the very poor and the word exclusive is used in the context of the very wealthy.