2.3 Important Descriptions

We are now getting to the more serious bits.

Since you have decided to read this far I am guessing that you have some interest in what’s ahead – so in this Chapter there are a few Important Descriptions that, I believe, need to be understood to really set the scene for the rest of the website.

The reason they are important is that the Sections that follow, the Theories (Section Three), the Concepts and Propositions, (Section Four) and the Practical Applications (Section Five) apply in the context of this Chapter.

But – just to say – before you start – you will have to be fairly flexible and broad-minded to be open to the content of this Chapter!!

I will introduce two terms that I will describe in some detail in the posts that follow.  These are the Focus Group (which I have mentioned in previous posts) and the Pillars.  They will be described after the Sub Chapter Important Descriptions – Introduction, in Sub-Chapters 2 to 7, and – if you want to get the most out of the website it is important to remember them.

They will always be in capital letters firstly to point to the fact that they have particular significance, and secondly to distinguish them from a focus group (which is a group of people consulted about something), or an ordinary pillar (which is made out of stone or concrete)! Because some of you may not wish to read the website Chapter by Chapter, and might skip or hop from post to post, each time the Focus Group or the Pillars are mentioned in further Sections and Chapters they will be linked to the brief descriptions of both (summaries) which are in the Glossary Of Terms.

This Chapter is divided into 10 Sub-Chapters:

2.3.1          IMPORTANT DESCRIPTIONS – INTRODUCTION

2.3.2          THE FOCUS GROUP

2.3.3          THE PILLARS – GENERAL

2.3.4          PILLAR ONE; THE MEDIA

2.3.5          PILLAR TWO; POLITICS

2.3.6          PILLAR THREE; CIVIL/PUBLIC SERVICE

2.3.7          PILLAR FOUR; ACADEMIA/EDUCATION

2.3.8          EFFECTS OF THE DOMINANCE OF PILLARS THINKING IN SOCIETY

2.3.9          POLEMIC ON PERPETUATION OF PILLARS THINKING AND PRACTICE IN AN IRISH CONTEXT

2.3.10        IMPORTANT DESCRIPTIONS – CONCLUSION

There is probably no aspect of life that is so misunderstood and surrounded by myth as that of the experience of imprisonment.  But whether one is in prison, released from prison, or a family member, it is the norm to be hurt deeply by it.

It must be remembered that the period of imprisonment itself is almost always preceded by (and very often followed by) many years of distress, anxiety and heartache experienced both by the person who has done or is doing wrong and who will (inevitably) end up in prison, by concerned members of his family, and, of course, by the victims of the crimes he committed.

And, interestingly (as was said to me by a prison officer once) ‘prison is the only place that, when you are sent there, they have to let you in’. Because of this, people who should not be in prison at all end up there.  But they have broken the law of the land, so they do!

Examples of such people might be asylum seekers, people who may be protesting about something, and people with diagnosed mental illnesses. I have known people who have challenges with cognition, reasoning, literacy etc. who ended up in prison, when, I am sure, if they had been from a more advantaged environment, would have got the help that they needed as children.

Research on behaviour change (including neuroscientific studies – and common sense) suggests that 1): the more we are punished the angrier and more disaffected we get and 2): the more we mix with people of our own habits and values, the more we’ll be influenced by them.

(Influencing others and being influenced by others will be considerably expanded in the Chapter on Systems Theory).

Prisons, as they are generally known to us, fly in the face of the knowledge garnered from all this research.  The reality that people will get angrier and be influenced is particularly true if those in prison are emotionally vulnerable or fragile, not resilient enough to see any long term benefit deriving from the punishment, or not assertive enough to resist the harmful influence of others.

Now as I am sure you know there are many kinds of prisoners in the world, and therefore, many kinds of families affected by imprisonment.  For example there are prisoners of conscience, political prisoners, prisoners of war, wrongly convicted people and suchlike.

While I do not wish to understate the acute distress that any family that experiences imprisonment feels, many families contain members that have emotional (and sometimes material, educational or even political) resources that they can tap into to alleviate their distress.  Indeed, political prisoners, prisoners of conscience or prisoners of war may be heroes in their own societies or communities.

And even people who make a serious mistake in their lives, and go to prison for a once off sentence may often avail of mainstream facilities e.g. counselling which, (it is often fed back to me anyway) they find beneficial and helps them to work through what might be a very difficult period in their lives.

Many other families, however, do not have the wherewithal to access such support, and, for them, imprisonment is almost a way of life.  Their world-view includes prison, something the vast majority of the population, even those who might have a member go to prison for a once off sentence, do not.

To give an example, some years ago I met a woman in her mid-40’s in Bedford Row Hospitality Centre who said to me that she has been coming to visit the prison for over 40 years.  Firstly she visited her father, then her brother(s), then her husband, and now her son.  I found myself wondering if, in a few years’ time, she would be visiting her grandchild.

And I’m sure that you have read in a newspaper, or heard on radio or TV, something like ‘the 21 year old man had 120 previous convictions’ and wondered, in the short life of a young man in his early twenties, how that can happen?

Finally – just a reminder – it is important to note that because of what I stated above my website is about families and children affected by imprisonment. 

That is, prior to imprisonment or after release, while a family might not have a member in prison, (or a child might not have a parent in prison), family members will still be affected by the experience of imprisonment and all that goes with it.

“When demonstrating that you are really an equal, climb up if you can—but don’t act uppity. Always show that you are grateful.  Even if what you have gained has been wrested from unwilling powers, be sure to be grateful lest they take it all away.”

Paul Robeson, in his autobiography, ‘Here I Stand‘ (1958)

Paul Robeson was referring, above, to the experience of black people in the USA in the early years of the 20^th Century.  The point he was making was that many people in power expect gratitude from those who suffer injustice or unfairness for what everyone else takes for granted as their right.  (I was reminded of this recently when I was watching a programme on telly about the history of slavery.  When Governments tried to end slavery in the early 19^th Century financial compensation had to be given to the slave owners – not the slaves)!

I love the way Paul uses the word uppity when he talks about those who are often denied their human rights and who will never sit anywhere near the top table of society.  In our modern lingo, uppity might be translated as assertive or cheeky or even demanding of rights.

The Focus Group, who I will describe in the next post, are very often people who those in power don’t like being uppity or demanding of their rights.  That’s because if I take power and status for granted, I have no idea what it is like to have no power to change things that I don’t like.

And gratitude generally goes one way.

If I am poor, I have to be grateful to the wealthy and the powerful.  But I don’t think that there are many situations where it goes the other way, that is, where the powerful and wealthy are grateful to the poor.  After all, what do I have, if I am poor, that wealthy and powerful people need?

Or – more aptly – what can I, if I am a poor man, take away from the powerful and wealthy if they don’t show sufficient gratitude?

Paul’s words will have a lot of relevance as we describe the Focus Group – and, indeed, what I will call the Pillars‘ attitude in general!

This Chapter is entitled Important Descriptions and the first important description is the Focus Group.

This is a term that I will use to describe the families that have many or all of the characteristics described in the list from 1 to 9 in the next post.

It is the term that has been used in Bedford Row Family Project since 1999 [1].

As you probably know by now, the website is aimed at people and/or organisations who aspire to protect children (whom, as I already stated, are often hidden) growing up in families in deep distress (who I often consider to be abandoned). The reason why I use words like hidden and abandoned will become clear as this Sub-Chapter is read.

Many children are, of course, hidden until they get into trouble – and then they are suddenly the centre of everyone’s attention!

In courses on child protection we are informed that one of the most common forms of child abuse is neglect.

I believe that the existence of families that have all the characteristics of 1 – 9 in the next post is proof of the destructive power of neglect on a number of families, amounting to a small but significant proportion of our population, that are, as I said above, abandoned by the system.

There is a well-known trilogy of books by a writer named David Pelzer. The first one is entitled A Child Named It and describes his very difficult childhood. The others describe how David survived his childhood and later thrived, forgave his abusers, and how forgiveness contributed to his healing.  Anyone reading the books would be appalled at the treatment of David and yet, in my view, it is not too much of an exaggeration to say that this is very like what happens in society at large with the Focus Group!

It might be helpful to state here that in the list of characteristics, some are based on educated [2] opinion and some are directly observable.  What I mean by this is, in, say characteristic 1; (remember that this is in the next post) drug dealing, violence, and serious crime is a directly observable fact.  On the other hand, the harmful effects of addiction is assumed because they are manifest in members’ behaviours.

Characteristics 4 and 7 (also in the next post) become known because of the problems presented by the families who seek assistance – they might not always be obvious to an casual external observer.

Because protection of children is at the heart of the website, I am using the term families, for reasons explained in the previous Chapter.  Of course there will be vulnerable adults that experience some or all of these characteristics, who may live alone. [3].

But even if someone is alone I will propose that an organisation that wishes to make a difference should exhibit some characteristics that a good enough family would possess so that the person will feel at home, like she would in a family!

[1]. Many words such as clients, service users, customers etc. are used to describe people who look for help.  I’m not really hung up on any particular term so long as it is respectful. I am indebted, however, to the early pioneers of Bedford Row Family Project who chose the term Focus Group because the Project had a particular focus – i.e. families (or, anyone really) affected by imprisonment.  I think that the term suits as it can also include practitioners who may have experienced some of the characteristics in their lives, have grown through those experiences, and are passionate about making a difference!

[2]. Whether formal, informal or experiential.

[3]. I have known (and know) many men, and some women, who have served time in prison and who, on release, have been, or are estranged from their families.  Some may be homeless, couch-surfing, sleeping rough, or in very poor living conditions.  The Characteristics 1 – 9 also apply to these men and women.

Here are the characteristics of the families in the Focus Group – the term that I introduced in the previous post.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I have tried, in these descriptions, to reflect the realities of the circumstances of families that I have experienced over many decades, as well as being respectful and measured. The last thing that I’d want is to exaggerate or be sensational.

Yet I believe that it is important, no matter what problem we are trying to address, that we reflect reality – where something is at – rather than pretend that it is the way we’d like it to be.

Now many families have some of these characteristics, and some will have many, but people (like me) who ply our trade in this area of work will encounter families that have all of them.

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If I am a child growing up in a family in the Focus Group:

1.  Addiction:  I will observe that one or more members of my family are affected by addiction [1], some more severely than others.  This will, almost always, interfere with our happiness and contentment. I may also know that some of my family are involved in drug dealing, violence, and even serious crime.  In addition to members’ addiction causing mayhem and havoc in the community and bringing shame and guilt to my family, the harmful effects of addiction are ever-present.  If I am in my early teenage years I may be getting involved myself.

2. Education:  It is probable that my older siblings left school early and I’m finding the going tough myself!  My parents and grandparents also left school early.  I do not have a plan, when I leave school, to get a job, join a club, or involve myself in other education.  Rather, I find companionship and belonging among other young people who also have left school early.  Sometimes my behaviour causes me to be excluded from school and because of this I may be diagnosed with ADHD [2] (or similar conditions) – so I have special needs and get extra help. But usually, my parents do not have the energy, skills or know-how to ensure that I attend school, help with homework, or that a culture of school attendance is fostered.  If I am a member of the Travelling Community it may be that school has little or no meaning for me.

3. Housing:  My parents (or parent) find it difficult to access good quality housing.  Our family may be homeless, or may have been in the past, and I can sense my parents’ anxiety about ending up homeless.  Sometimes, when we find a place to live, I have no private space (or nowadays, I may live in a hotel room).  Sometimes we have to move because of intimidation, i.e., the safety of our home may be under threat because of members being on drugs, or debts of family members.  Frequent moving is another feature of my life.  I may change schools a lot, have to make new friends, and I do not have a secure base; (I’ll be describing this term more fully in the Sub-Chapter on Attachment later).

4.  Violence: Sadly, I may observe and experience violence (including sexual violence and inappropriate sexual behaviour) within my family.  Sometimes violent outbursts are unexpected and may follow bouts of drinking.  My personal space is not respected and because of this, I am often fearful and anxious, and live on high alert a lot of the time.  I may experience trauma and my Mam’s (or Dad’s) mood can change from anger to love and back again for, seemingly, no apparent reason.  I am often confused because of this – as I try to predict what mood they’ll be in.  I develop skills to keep myself safe that might work against me in school or with friends.  Generally, no-one outside the family knows about this violence.

5. Tragedy:  I may frequently experience tragedy and loss including suicide, murder, drugs overdoses, or serious accidents in my family and extended family.  We might not have learned skills to soothe, or emotionally support each other, so the losses might be intensified by angry outbursts, rage, blame, harsh criticism, controlling behaviour and a high level of fear.  When people are blaming each other, I don’t know what side to take.  I’m not aware that anger is part of normal grieving process anyway, and is heightened following loss that is unexpected, as many of the tragedies are.

6. Illness:  I (and my siblings) may have ongoing and chronic health difficulties including, as I get older, mental health.  I may observe members of my family choosing lifestyles that lead to poor health.  In my family, adults die younger than in the general population because of onset of serious illnesses and the unhealthy lifestyles led.  I don’t know anyone who can afford to buy health insurance or pay for private healthcare, so if any of us are ill, or have ongoing health issues, we (mostly) experience long waits for medical attention.

7.  Poverty:  From a young age I realise, somehow or another, that we are very poor financially.  My parents may be in debt to illegal moneylenders and if moneylenders change the goalposts, so to speak, or threaten us, we never go the Guards!  I might see my parents hiding in our house because they are behind on bills.  I am afraid that electricity will be turned off, or we’ll have no fuel for heat. The only way we have of getting money is the dole and other allowances given to poor families.  Sometimes collecting what we are entitled to can be humiliating.  Some members of my family and relatives may be involved in illegal methods of gaining an income, either directly, through drug dealing, crime etc., or indirectly, receiving, buying/selling stolen goods.

8.  Isolation:  I sense that our family is isolated even within the community that we live in [3].  There is a lot of distrust and fear around, and this makes the isolation worse.  My parents are often suspicious of the motives (and often avoid, and are then avoided by) organisations that are set up to assist families like mine.  Sometimes this excludes me from things that I see other children enjoying.  I get used to hiding things about our family from people in organisations such as schools, youth clubs and the like. I also know that certain members of my family are feared and as I grow older I notice that families like mine are insulted and offended in the newspapers, radio and television – heightening the sense of isolation.

——-and finally

9. Imprisonment:  Visiting prison is a very common experience in my family [4].  It’s no big deal, it’s just another thing we do!  Older relatives (parents, uncles, aunts) may have been in prison down through the years.  I regularly visit (or have visited) some of them in prison, particularly if they are my parents.  People in my extended family have been in detention centres and other institutions over a few generations.  Some others may have been in State care as children, and I know adults whose children are in care.

Also, imprisonment is something that our families have in common with other families in the Focus Group.  We know a lot about prisons in general, and courts, probation etc.  I become knowledgeable, from a young age, about all these and even the legal system.  We get to know which judges are fair and which governors, officers are sound and in which prisons they are serving etc.

But, through all 1 to 9 above, because of our great spirit, and because families are families, we can have great fun and a sense of togetherness and friendship, which sustains us through the difficult circumstances we find ourselves in.  And I learn many useful coping skills on the journey of life.  For example, mutual support, endurance, calming volatile situations, wisdom, an intuitive sense of impending danger, dealing with uncertainty and imperfection, among others.

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The great-spirit theme will be expanded considerably in this post where I offer some good news!

ANOTHER IMPORTANT NOTE: In the website, when I mention the Focus Group, I am referring to families that have most or all of the characteristics that I attempted to describe as a child in 1 – 9 above.

[1]. Someone told me recently that the term addiction is being phased out in some modern literature.  However, if you are, or have been a misuser of drugs or alcohol, I hope that you will forgive me my little bit of political incorrectness in using the label addict.  I use the term because I believe that all community workers and/or family members have both a cognitive understanding and a felt sense of what an addict, or addiction is, whereas we might not have the same depth of understanding of what the politically correct substitute is.  Also, it is a broad term that will cover workaholism, gambling, eating problems, obsessive practices, and similar behaviours.

[2]. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

[3].  This is evident in much research – e.g. Voices of Families Affected by Imprisonment by Bedford Row Family Project. 

[4].  Fr. Peter McVerry, who works for and with homeless people states (very perceptively) that probably the only Government funded public service available to the poor for which there is no waiting list is prison. Indeed, prisons are so familiar to our Focus Group that I have identified them as places that have significant potential in respect of support for prisoners and their families.  In fact, they already are – and (potentially) how will be described elsewhere in the website.

The characteristics in the previous post might be a bit limited in their representation of day-to-day lives of families in the Focus Group.

So to really get a sense of their effect, I believe that we need to at least try and journey a little with family members, be open minded and non-judgmental in the journeying, while at the same time attending support and/or supervision to put the characteristics in context. (The type of support/supervision which would be helpful will be described in the Chapter on Training in Section Five, Practical Applications).

To assist a little in this process, I invite you to imagine, once again, what it might be like to be a young child growing up in a family with some or all of the characteristics described.

All the scenarios below (just a small sample of experiences that a child growing up in a family in the Focus Group might encounter) are truly distressing situations and, on their own, are potentially traumatic.  In many families they (or similar experiences) may be recurring events.

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Imagine that I am seven years of age, and I am:

At the bank of a river with my family and the rescue services because my older sister who misuses drugs and who everyone says suffers from depression, and has had a few previous suicide attempts, is missing.

or

In a house where Dad is trying to plead with two gang members for a bit of extra time because my older brother who owes them over €1,500 for drugs hasn’t been seen for a few days.

or

In a sitting room around Christmas with my Mam who is drinking, in the cold and dark with two small crying toddlers because the electricity has been cut off for non-payment, and no one will give us money.

or

Upstairs and feeling scared because Mam and Nan are hysterical, with the Guards breaking down our front door looking for Dad.

or

Waiting for years in emotional pain, hurt and anger, hauled from strategy meeting to case conference, expert to expert, but perceiving little or no change for the better.

And feeling that no matter how hard I try, I can’t get it right so that others will be pleased with me! 

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Now I am not including these scenarios to traumatise you and put you off reading further – but I believe that, like the descriptions in the previous post, it is important to grasp what the realities of life can be like for children in families in the Focus Group.

The reason that I used the word journey in the text above is that I don’t believe that there are quick solutions to the problems that potentially arise due to living every day in the circumstances described.

And, while we need to make progress and have goals in our work one of the major challenges is that we learn to trust the process of growth even if we see no obvious progress.

(I will be developing the trust the process theme a lot more in the Chapters on Universal Theories of Change, and then Modalities, in Section Three).

When I was raising funds for the first Bedford Row Family Support and Crisis Intervention Course in 2008 I approached various people for assistance.  I showed the characteristics in the previous post to a businessman who had an interest in Bedford Row and its work.  When he read them he could not believe that children might be growing up in families having all the characteristics. This alerted me to the fact that I had been working in the area for so long that I had taken for granted that what I had described to him is commonly known – and in fact it isn’t.

Now, after the previous post (and the one before it) – you must be ready for some good news!

The good news is that many families in the Focus Group have members who possess strength, intelligence, wisdom and sense of humour, which (though, sometimes, not immediately evident) can be identified and encouraged by a perceptive, tenacious, committed, properly trained and supported worker, regardless of the context within which the work is taking place, e .g. whether a voluntary or statutory agency, within prison or outside. 

Many of these qualities come from developing extraordinary coping mechanisms from a very young age, to survive the very challenging conditions in situations of extreme difficulty and indeed trauma that are faced daily and described above.

If we practitioners are open to hearing it, members of families in the Focus Group, (particularly members who are involved in crime, addiction, who may be homeless, and be deemed by the general public to be making no contribution), alert us to dysfunction that is mostly hidden underneath the façade of okay-ness that all is well, as we live our daily lives without ever challenging ourselves to assess our society’s priorities and/or core values.

(Of course, to get this we have to be open to hearing it)!

But more than that; they are a source of vast potential waiting to be tapped.

Working on the streets of Southill in the 1990’s first alerted me to the strengths that family members in the Focus Group have that people in mainstream society know little or nothing about.

Many people would say, describing various crises in their lives, that, I had to be strong, it was all down to me in respect of where others, perceived to be less strong people were at.  And even those perceived to be less strong had hidden talents waiting to be unearthed.

A particular strength of people is an ability and willingness to be genuine.  Genuine in expression of anger, in use of language, and in welcome! On the streets I felt accepted unconditionally [1], something that, to be honest, I had not really experienced in my working life up to then.

The wisdom of people who never get famous, who don’t publish academic papers or books, who are not journalists, writers or celebrities, and who do not get the opportunity of offer their expert opinion on Morning Ireland or Prime Time is generally heard only by those who firstly are close to them and secondly take the time to listen. (These strengths will be explored in a lot more detail in the Chapter on The Family Support Shamrock in Section Three).  

And by close I mean emotionally as well as physically close.

And by strengths I mean that in order to get around, or over, or through what would be insurmountable obstacles to many people, a lot of very useful skills are learned. Some of these can be helpful – but some that might bring short-term relief may contribute to long-term harm. In growth, we may jettison the ones that are perceived, with the benefit of hindsight and/or awareness to do harm.

But when doing this, it is very important not to lose the skills that have been learned and have been helpful.

Those who struggle to be heard sometimes remind me of the passage from the Gospel where John the Baptist says that he is but a voice in the wilderness.  And what his voice was announcing was the arrival of Jesus.  Not many took him seriously.

It’s probably a bit too far out to say that everyone who struggles to be heard is announcing the arrival of someone who will save us, but for some reason I seem to be drawn to the wisdom of voices in the wilderness so to speak – and what truths, perhaps, they offer us all.

I feel very privileged that I have heard such wisdom down through the years, and I feel a deep responsibility to be faithful in my interpretation of it.

[1]. I am certain that there were conditions attached to accepting my colleagues and I in our streetwork project – but the welcome felt unconditional.

Just to, even partly experience, what life might be like for a child growing up in distress, in a family within the Focus Group, I invite you to imagine that you are 12 or 13 and you have a toothache.

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Now a toothache is a really painful thing.

And one thing about a toothache is that I always seem to be irritable when I have one!  As time goes on and on, my irritation gets more and more intense, and my toothache becomes more and more painful.  Then I am brought to a dentist and after a little discomfort it is eased – and I have no more toothache!

Despite how painful it is, there are three things worth mentioning about a toothache:

~ It’s usually time limited.

~ I’ll be able to cognitively understand (or rationalise) why I have the pain.

~ I’ll nearly always get sympathy.

Now ………….. imagine if the pain is an emotional pain.

Adults in my life can explain to me what toothaches or earaches or tummy-bugs are, and then I can make sense of them. They can also give me advice as to how to avoid getting them in the future.

But my emotional pain is not like that at all.  No, it just is!

Maybe the way I know I’m in emotional pain is that I just feel different.  I look out at the world and I see other children well behaved and being rewarded, able to concentrate in school and having teachers praising them, holding on to friends and invited to play sports and enjoying them. Whereas I am often left out, (or included initially and then left out), because I do things that adults and peers don’t like – and I just can’t seem to stop myself doing these things.

As I grow into my teenage years my emotional pain is manifest as a mixture of confusion and uncertainty.  It is also manifest in a lot of ways that I don’t even notice, really, such as tension in muscles, fast heartbeat, unease or queasiness, impulsive out of control behaviour, perhaps having a lot of accidents, heaviness in the chest area, still having tantrums when other children that I know have grown out of them, and above all having an inner anxiety that I’ll never be able to make it that constantly gnaws away at my self-confidence and self-belief.

If I am 12 or 13, unlike the toothache for which I can get a one-hour quick fix there seems to be no beginning or no end to this pain.  I cannot remember when I first had it and I begin believing that I will always have it – it almost defines me.  Also, nobody seems to be able to do anything about it.

And also, unlike the toothache, instead of getting sympathy, I am actually afraid and on high alert in case people around me give out to me because of how I am behaving.

Maybe a teacher, or a club leader, or a team manager leaves me out.  Maybe my parents will be disapproving of me, or even punish me, or perhaps be on high alert themselves, and I can feel tension in my house – perhaps fights between my parents, and all this seems to be due to my behaviour.

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For the child, this emotional pain is as real and as debilitating as any physical pain but it contains far more power because firstly it is unique and secondly it has a mysterious quality that a physical pain does not have.

One notable aspect of the Focus Group is that whether the economy is booming or we are in the middle of a recession, the lot of the neediest people in our society remains relatively constant, and most of the Characteristics 1 – 9 hold true.

A booming economy means that more things might be given free by the Government, but the rich and middle classes always seem to benefit more than the very poor.

Generally, those of us who are not poor have a vested interest in keeping society the same or indeed increasing our advantage.  We rationalise the maintenance of our privileged position by thinking about all that we have spent on our own and our children’s education, sacrifices that we have made, the exhausting work we do over long hours, the taxes we pay, or even that we competed and we won so we’re entitled. (For some very wealthy it may be privilege by birth entitlement)!

On the other hand, we are continually fed negative type messages about families in the Focus Group. Like, they have more money than us, they get everything for free – they haven’t, and they don’t – they’re a burden on the State, they cause society a lot of trouble, only for them wouldn’t we have a great country, and they have little or nothing to contribute anyway.

This kind of thinking, constantly reinforced by media bias, sustains inequality. As I mentioned elsewhere, trying to change this through continual and energy-sapping campaigning – even though it might be very important – is not really what this website is about.

But it is about raising our awareness!

Many factors in respect of the day-to-day lives of the Focus Group are linked to inequality.  Inequality impacts negatively on self-esteem, education at all levels, skills development, trust of self and each other, age-appropriate sexual activity, age of first pregnancy, sustainability of long-term relationships, health and stress. (Obviously – equality has the opposite effect to all the above).

This is all posited in a significant piece of research in a book entitled Spirit Level (by Richard Wilkinson and Kate Pickett).

One of the most telling aspects of inequality is what it does to our self-belief. In the research it was found that feeling unequal has more damaging effects than poverty itself.

In skill acquisition experiments that involve thinking things through and solving puzzles, people were observed to perform well until they were informed that others against whom they were competing were from what they deemed to be a superior class.

What is obvious here (and what interested me most) is that people were limited not by their own intrinsic capabilities, but by the harsh self-judgement that came from comparison of self in the company of others who – they were informed – were superior. (I will be returning to the harmful effects of comparison in the Sub-Chapter on Academia).

And on stress, researchers found that children who are stressed all the time suffer from constriction of blood vessels, which, while manageable by the body in the short term, causes very harmful blood thickening and subsequent clotting later in life if the stress endures over a long time.

Ireland is certainly not the most unequal country in the world but the worrying thing is that we are going in the wrong direction – we are a far more unequal society now than we were a generation ago.

I have mentioned resources vs needs briefly already and I will revisit the topic now.

Our organisations (e.g., community, non-governmental, charitable type organisations) are nearly always set up to meet a need that is identified by concerned people with what is often called a social conscience.  Some people believe that the more helping facilitates we put in place the bigger the problems will be, as dependent people become even more dependent. I have some sympathy with that viewpoint.

Helping can become a self-sustaining industry and people within the industry, like people everywhere, want it to grow.

Notwithstanding the above, there are some sobering realities that have to be taken into consideration when supporting people who are suffering deeply.

Like; there are always:

~ More children that need protection than there are social workers to protect them.

~ More homeless people than hostels and other accommodation to house them.

~ More people on the waiting list for housing than there are houses to accommodate them.

~ More young people getting into trouble than youth workers to engage them in activities to divert them.

~ More families in need than practitioners to support them.

~ More people struggling with addiction than there are places in treatment centres.

~ More women experiencing domestic violence than shelters to keep them safe.

~ More children needing psychological assessment than psychologists to assess them.

~ More public patients than there are beds in public hospitals to cater for them.

~ More people with acute disabilities than facilities to care for them.

~ More young people deemed to be at risk than Garda Juvenile Liaison Officers to respond to them.

~ More people with money than banks to put money into.

(The last one is a joke – I was just checking if you are concentrating)………

And on and on and on – can you think of more?

All the above points affect the Focus Group more than any other section of society – except the last one of course!

The fact that all the facilities that are set up to assist people who have complex needs are over-subscribed is a sign that there is 1): so much unhappiness hidden in our family homes, and/or 2): the systems set up to address the issues are hugely under-resourced.

For example, in respect of 1), once upon a time there were no safe havens for women experiencing domestic violence.  But that doesn’t mean that there was no domestic violence.  When they were first built, women had an option.  Instead of suffering silently they came to the safe havens.

Similarly, many decades ago there was very little in the way of wet-houses to accommodate those who are homeless who will not give up drink or drugs.  When they were first established, parents could draw a boundary for their drink/drug-addicted sons or daughters with less guilt because they knew that if they weren’t allowed live at home they wouldn’t be sleeping rough.

And in respect of 2), (the under-resourcing), in the way that the Government attempts to solve a serious social problem I often use the analogy of the aeroplane.

Let us say we are tasked to build a plane for 500 people. Generally, the system does not give enough resources to build the complete plane – so we do the best we can and just build a fuselage – with no wings or engines. So, we end up with a lovely pretend plane that never takes off. The 500 people get on the plane and they appreciate the nice seats and decor, maybe even get a cuppa from the cabin crew, but they never actually go anywhere.

Or we can choose, with the resources we have, to build a much smaller plane with engines and wings that can actually take off and go somewhere – but this can only take 50 people. In this case, 450 are either left out altogether or they have to wait for a long time to get on because – obviously – there is no room for them!

Personally, I am drawn to the building of the smaller plane because at least we can say that we have something that actually works and, who knows, it might be easier to argue for resources to build a similar plane. It is also better for morale – and that, I believe, is important.

But I’m not saying that I’m right in this. Others feel that it is better to give people a sense of what getting on a plane is like – even if it goes nowhere – and then they’d have a taster of what flying is like.

(I will revisit this conundrum when I discuss size later – and see also the bottom of this post for another reference to the plane)!

I am just mentioning the resource vs need problem very briefly here; in this post I give it further consideration, and in the Chapter on Universal Theory of Change I will deal with it in far more detail.