8 Musings, Poems, Songs, New Ideas and News!

1

Be true to you, it’s not a sin

And it must be better than what you’re living in

Be true to you, it’s not a crime

If you wait any longer you’ll be running out of time

And the road that leads out is the one you will return

Familiar phrases inside you burn

And when you finally wake up and discover that you’re the one

You’ll realise within you’re time has come

Yes it’s your turn now!

2

Be true to you, be hard to please

And don’t apologise when you get up off your knees

Be true to you, the leaves are brown

Though the summer’s over can’t you see the autumn’s coming round

And don’t be easily discouraged if you find that you are late

It’s better than never, go, set a date

And don’t be stopping very often to re-check what is disallowed

It’ll only eat you up when you are down

Don’t let them make a fool of you!

And if you feel in the middle that your life has passed you by

Try with a friend to understand why

And if the people you are mixing with are lining up to seal your fate

Don’t deal the hand of death onto their plate

Don’t let them get the better of you!

3

You’re disappearing; you’re up in smoke

When you’re trying to be serious it turns into a joke

You’re never hearing, what you invoke

It’s not that you’re hypocritical it’s just the way you spoke

But don’t you know you deserve to be in heaven long before you die

And you’ve a perfect right to ask why

And don’t you know that when you shake it up and break it up and bring it down

And listen carefully, you’ll hear the sound

It’s falling down, it’s falling down, down, down

Outro

Be true to you, it’s not a sin

And it must be better than what you’re living in.

© Larry de Cléir

Chaos

First there was chaos

Then God made man

They said

Who ordered the chaos

And taught us to march in a straight line

And smile appropriately

Ours is not to reason why

Our is but to do or die

They taught us to sing in school

If we deviated, we were punished

Others drunkenly sedated their deviancy

Punishing their loved ones blaming them

All to avoid looking at the chaos

Those who look at the chaos are stronger perhaps

In old Greek, they called them broken-hearted or spirited

Now label them, incarcerate them, sedate them, electrocute them

Annihilate them

So, we can live safely in our little suburban boxes,

Watching Coronation Street on the telly

And dying fat fed from a heart attack

So, die and enter the chaos,

But – perhaps it’s too late, then

© Mick Lacey

Here is a questionnaire that I came across when I was on a course many years ago. It was devised by two clinicians Dr. Eve Bernstein Carlson and Dr. Frank W. Putnam and they call it the Dissociative Experiences Scale-II. It consists of twenty-eight questions about experiences that people may have in their day-to-day lives.

Drs. Bernstein-Carlson and Putnam were psychologists in Beloit College, Wisconsin, USA and the National Institute of Mental Health, Bethesda, Maryland, USA respectively in the late 1980’s.

As part of their research they asked people to try and determine to what degree the experiences described in the questions below applied to them, circling a number on a scale of 0% to 100% to denote how frequent the experience is. This would then give clinicians (and the people themselves) an indication of the extent of their dissociative tendencies. (In their instructions, they stressed that the questionnaire does not apply in cases where people are under the influence of drink or drugs)!

The first thing that I noticed about it was that some are lighter manifestations of dissociation and some are at the more serious end. I found that doing the exercise (and circling the appropriate percentage) got me familiar with the phenomenon of dissociation – and I invite you to do the same. It might be handy to print out the page to do the exercise.

1. You are driving in a car, bus or train and suddenly realise that you don’t remember what happened during all or part of the trip.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

2. You are listening to someone talk and you suddenly realise that you did not hear part or all of what was said.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

3. You find yourself in a place and have no idea how you got there.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

4. You find yourself dressed in clothes that you don’t remember putting on.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

5. You find new things among your belongings that you don’t remember buying.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

6. You are approached by people that you do not know; who call you by another name or insist that they have met you before.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

7. You feel as though you are standing next to yourself or watching yourself do something and you actually see yourself as if you are looking at another person.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

8. You are told that you sometimes do not recognise friends or family members.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

9. You have no memory of some important events in your life (for example, a wedding or graduation).

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

10. You are accused of lying when you genuinely do not think that you have lied.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

11. You look in a mirror and do not recognise yourself.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

12. You feel that other people, objects, and the world around you are not real.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

13. You feel that your body does not seem to belong to you.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

14. You sometimes remember a past event so vividly you feel as if you are reliving the event.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

15. You’re not sure whether things that you remember happening really did happen or whether you dreamed them.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

16. You are in a familiar place but you find it strange and unfamiliar.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

17. You are watching TV or a film and you become so absorbed that you feel part of the story and unaware of your surroundings or what’s happening around you.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

18. You become so involved in a fantasy or daydream that it feels as though it were really happening to you.

0%   10    20    30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

19. You are able to ignore pain.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

20. You sit staring off into space, thinking of nothing, and are not aware of the passage of time.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

21. When you are alone you talk out loud to yourself.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60 70   80   90   100%

22. You act so differently in one situation compared with another situation that you feel almost as if you were two different people.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

23. In certain situations (sports, work, social) you are able to do things with amazing ease and spontaneity that would usually be difficult for you.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

24. You cannot remember whether you have done something or have just thought about doing that thing (for example, not knowing whether you have just posted a letter or have just thought about posting it).

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

25. You find evidence that you have done things that you don’t remember doing.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

26. You find writings, drawings, or notes that you must have done but cannot remember doing.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

27. You hear voices inside your head that tell you to do things or comment on things that you are doing.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

28. You feel as if you are looking at the world through a fog, so that people and objects appear far away or unclear.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

And one I came up with myself!

29. You do something that is contrary to your values or your conscience because you are afraid, and really get-into-the-zone when doing it.

0%   10   20   30   40   50   60  70   80   90   100%

If you circled the lower end (0% or 10%) you obviously do not dissociate that much, but it is still a useful exercise to do, because the questions are examples of various manifestations of dissociation.

1

No job, no work, no money; no house, no home, it’s not funny at all,

When you’re waiting for the call, and your back’s against the wall, so steep.

No point, no goal, no meaning, no heart, no soul, no feeling inside,

When they strip away your pride, but the shame you try to hide so deep.

Chorus

No win, no lose, no class, no room, no will to fight,

No faith, no hope, no charity, no friendly light.

And they keep asking why you never learn,

Though your outlook is battered and burned, every way you turn.

2

No job, no work, no money, no house, no home, you’re the only one who knows,

Why you’re sleeping in your clothes, and the reason why you chose that way.

No peace, no love, no gentleness, no God above will bring you happiness,

When they want you to confess. and the more you need the less you get.

Repeat Chorus and End

© Larry de Cléir

1

Well I’ve just got out of the pen or the slam

I’m doing the best that I can

It’s nice to be wheeling my son in the pram

But everything’s changed where I am.         

And I’m not so sure who I am, where I am now

Or if I can settle or even if how

I can stop myself ever from going back inside

When all that I know is to hide.

2

When they put me away I was gone for a day

And my family never they knew

I broke three knuckles refusing my tray

It was something for changing my mood

Someone gave me credit, another one praise

They came out and said it: “Your changing your ways

But you never will stop yourself going back inside

If all that you know is to hide”

3

Well I dreamed about her every night

How we’d laugh and love and we’d play

But now that I’m with her I can’t get it right

It’s not like I thought it would be

And I never admit it, I say that I’m grand

She just wouldn’t get it, no-one understands

How much you think about going back inside

When all that you know is to hide

4

At a quarter to ten I’m meeting a man

Doing a favour he says that I owe

He’s got a job and I’m driving his van

And it seems we’ve a long way to go

He told me “don’t worry”, he’s got it worked out

“We’re bringing on Larry – he’ll be our look out

And if he sees someone, who’s not on our side

Then the only way out is to hide”

5

Now I don’t have to lie and I don’t have to steal

Or be telling them how do I feel

I don’t have to ask what to cook for a meal

I don’t have dodge or to deal

She’s coming to visit me any time now

I’ve little to say cos I don’t want a row

When she lifts him to kiss me I’m hurting inside

And all that I want is to hide

6

You’ve taken the test

You think that you’ve passed

You’re moving ahead a little too fast

But just around the corner is the past…..

© Larry de Cléir

1

Sorry we have to say, you can’t have your way

And your irrational plan is inconsistent

And sounds thoroughly unconvincing

Dare you suggest that our judgments’ not the best

With your desperate appeal

How can we let you deal with such complicated issues

Chorus

Please understand, it’s by your own hand you’re defeated

Your way’s no good, you’ve misunderstood and feel cheated

2

Time’s not ripe for change, and we could not risk the danger

That you’d bring our way, with your radical ways

So please, you must be patient

You can’t blame the system, we came here to listen

And we gave you our time, so we cannot work out why

You seem filled with frustration

Chorus

3

Sorry we have to say, but the price that we pay,

Would be too much, too dear, too threatening we fear

For serious consideration

We bear you no malice, please don’t think that we’re callous

We sympathise with your cause, but the laws are the laws

And we’re the ones who make them

Final Chorus

Please understand, it’s by your own hand, you’re defeated

Leave us no choice, raising your voice, can’t keep seated

Outro

Sorry we have to say, you can’t have your way

And the price that we pay would be too much too dear……..

© Larry de Cléir

Here are a few examples of what I will call ambivalence, which I also referred to earlier. It seems to be a feature of every society everywhere and always has been. It might be described as the conflict we have between what we believe, or what we think is right, or good, and how we behave.

Here are a few examples that come to my mind but this is by no means an exhaustive list.

We want our population to grow, we all want nice big spacious houses but we don’t want urban sprawl or we don’t want high-rise.

We permit the manufacture of cars/motorbikes that can go at 250km/hr but we don’t want our loved ones to die in car accidents.

We want clean air and water but we don’t want to give up the lifestyle that causes the air and water to be destroyed.

We want to drive in our cars to shop in big supermarkets but we don’t want our villages to be deserted.

We want to live longer and be paid pensions till we die but we don’t want to increase the age at which we retire.

We want to use email but we don’t want our small post offices to close and/or we increasingly use internet banking but we don’t want banks in small towns to close.

We want to buy on line but we don’t want small local shops to close.

We want to be fit and healthy and we want to eat rubbish and live a sedentary lifestyle.

We want our privacy to be respected but we embrace social media with great enthusiasm.

We want to upload our pictures, films, vidoes etc. on the cloud but we don’t want data centres to be using massive amounts of energy.

We want our children to be safe but we daren’t censor or even speak out against gratuitously violent or sexually explicit images that flood our media to saturation.

We want our children to grow up drug free but we allow very subtle, powerful and attractive advertisements promoting alcohol, aimed at young people, to be shown on television at all times of day and night.

We want our children to grow up drug free but we allow alcohol manufacturers pour huge amounts of money into the sponsorship of sports, the very activities that, we hope, will be attractive to young people.

We want our children to grow up healthy but we permit the advertising of sugar high foods that not only put children at risk of obesity but are proven to be addictive in nature.

We don’t want our children to die in war but we continue to enjoy the profits made from development and sale of arms and weapons.

(Linked to last one). We continually state that we abhor violence but we have used it to sort out problems as long as history has been written. (See this Sub-Chapter).

Can you think of more?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought about the above examples a little.

Why do we behave thus? What drives us to choose things that are bad for us, even when we are aware of their harmful consequences?

While I attribute our apparently contradictory behaviour to corporate-closedness in another part of the blog, I intuit that that is a cause that is nearest to the effect, and there are probably deeper reasons why ambivalence is so embedded in our psyche.

This is a description of a state of being that comes from the Zulu tradition.

The South African Nobel Laureate Archbishop Desmond Tutu describes it thus:

It is the essence of being human.

It speaks of the fact that my humanity is caught up and is inextricably bound up in yours. I am human because I belong. It speaks about wholeness, it speaks about compassion.

A person with Ubuntu is welcoming, hospitable, warm and generous, willing to share.

Such people are open and available to others, willing to be vulnerable, affirming of others, do not feel threatened that others are able and good, for they have a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that they belong in a greater whole.

They know that they are diminished when others are oppressed, humiliated or diminished or when others are treated as if they were less than who they are.

The quality of Ubuntu gives people resilience, enabling them to survive and be human despite all efforts to dehumanise them.

1

Who are you who looks from high, when you’re bombing from the sky,

You don’t have to watch them die, you never fly that low.

Do you know – what you’ve done and where you’ve been,

Does the image on your screen, hide the terror and the pain.

Who are you who blocks your ear, when you don’t like what you hear,

So you censor what you fear, will embarrass or reveal.

Do you feel, that the myth you make is real,

That you’ll change us with you zeal, that we’ll swallow all you say.

Chorus

Turn around, let us see your face

Come on down, from your higher place,

Speak to me words I understand, I’m not at your command.

2

Who are who beats the drum, loudly, so the people come,

Though your hand’s not on the gun, you will point it just the same.

In your name, see who’ll answer when you call,

See who’ll hide behind your wall, see who’ll climb your barricade.

And who are you so highly paid, are you proud of what you’ve made,

What will maim, incinerate, dismember and destroy.

To deploy, in those lands so far away,

Where children never play, a million miles from the parade.

Chorus

3

And then there’s me, so powerlessly, turning away from what I see,

What is done and what can be, from my own indifference.

In a sense, I am sitting on a fence,

Overtaken by events, is there nothing I can say?

Final Chorus

Turn around, let us see your face,

Come on down, take your rightful space,

Say out loud, what needs to be said, lead… and don’t be led…

© LarrydeCléir

One reason that I spent some time on integration is that, unlike other root foundations, we seem to be almost indifferent to it in our lives.

Emergence is manifest in our curiosity about doing new things, pushing our boundaries and seeking new horizons. We see identity in our pride in family and community, flags, songs, sports teams. And relationship and love are manifest – well – everywhere!

But integration? We seem far more interested in and excited by its opposite – disconnection. We might have some passing interest in a heartwarming story about people being in relationship or making up after a row. But it’s the fight, the conflict that arises from disconnect that energises, excites, attracts us and draws us in ….. again and again! (I covered this in the Sub-Chapter on Media also).

For example, I mentioned already that in the Pillars, there is often a kind of low-level conflict going on that gets in the way of good work. In fact, it often seems to be more common than cooperation.

In the days before Park-Magic I was parking my car on a busy street in Limerick city centre. Just as I was maneuvering into the space a man knocked on my window. I was certain that he was going to complain about something, that I bumped off his car and didn’t notice (or something like that), and I was preparing myself for some kind of conflict. Instead, when I opened the window, he said with a smile that he had almost one hour left on his parking disc and why wouldn’t I have it rather than it be going to waste. I thanked him for his generosity and thought no more about it until late that night when it popped into my head for some reason.

When I did think about it, it struck me that if he had criticised me, or we’d had some sort of row, I’d have been thinking about it all day, probably relating my side of events to anyone I met – and cribbing about this man who accosted me for what I thought was no reason. I wasn’t really drawn in by generosity, but I would have been by conflict!

Can you imagine a world where there would be a court sitting for people who do good – who make a connection – like the man who gave me the parking disc. I could summon him to court and the powers that be would charge him with performing a spontaneous act of kindness in public and I’d give evidence and he’d be rewarded by the State.

And, instead of complicated long drawn out peace processes after years of bloody conflict in a war zone, the conflict was avoided in the first place because society is integrated by countless little acts of generosity – resulting in a kind of upward causation of non-violent resolution of the inevitable conflict that is part of human life.

I don’t really know why we are drawn to and excited by energy-draining disconnect and conflict – particularly as a group, but also individuals, why bad news sells papers and good news doesn’t, why we are entertained by people fighting each other.

I intuit that it is due to a mixture of our need to compete to survive, and/or, perhaps some fear of being overwhelmed going back to the dawn of history. Yet another thought that I had was that it was due to upward causation (there we go again) of all the fragmentation and brokenness that is hidden in our homes. Or it could be like the trauma bond, where we keep going back to experience what we are accustomed to and described here.

Whatever it is, we appear to dwell on disconnect and conflict – sometimes for ever, but we take integration for granted, and barely give it a second thought!

Perhaps when we start dwelling on integration and give it more head-space (and heart-space) we’ll be a more contented species.