4.4.7 Myth vs. Reality

I propose that, in respect of major problems in society, the greatest myth of all is that because we are able to think, we believe that we are able to solve everything by thinking, i.e. cognitively.

And perhaps the biggest reality of all is that we constantly struggle with doubt, don’t know the answer, but fear being found out!

Now the major trouble with myths is that they become self-perpetuating – that is, like lies, (because a myth can be a kind of a lie) once they gain traction, other myths have to be introduced to bolster up the original myth.

So when we begin to believe that we can solve everything cognitively (i.e. using our thinking), we have to invent smaller myths to hold up the bigger myth.

For example, I mentioned in a previous Chapter that professionals in the Pillars were highly enthusiastic about both the Children’s Referendum and mandatory reporting of child abuse, and how they firmly believed that the introduction of both would mean that vulnerable children will be better protected.

This is, of course, a myth! Bringing in laws makes us feel that we have done something whereas in reality we’ve done very little.

One of the smaller myths that bolster these myths is that if we report child abuse or neglect to a social work department something will be done. I have come across many situations where reports have been made about children suffering and nothing was done to ease their suffering.

Another of the smaller myths is that if we pay big money for an intervention programme from a faraway University to protect children in the Focus Group, children will be better protected.

The truth, i.e. there are many children who are suffering – we struggle in our efforts to protect them – and we could do with help from their families – would be very refreshing!

I define a myth as something that most people tend to believe on the surface, as it were, but they have an inkling that it isn’t true in reality.

Remember the Sub-Chapter on Openness, Boundedness and Patterns, and the importance of thinking systemically in supporting families in the Focus Group?

In the context of healing the hurt in children and families, a myth is very often based on shallow, non-systemic type thinking. It might be the truth and nothing but the truth, but is often not the whole truth!

I will give a few examples of myths that do very little good, in fact might do harm, in a post below.  When truth and myth collide, challenging and then processing the inevitable conflict involves change, and the challenging uses up energy, which is why I include this Sub-Chapter in the Chapter on Energy.

But I believe that when we actually do it, the payoff is that we give ourselves a bit of an energy boost.  I do anyway!

I’m not sure of the origins of myth in the helping professions and in particular support work with families in the Focus Group, but I often think of four:

~ People are desperate for a solution to a problem so they invent a myth to solve it.

~ People cannot find a solution to a mystery, so they invent a myth to explain it.  This can sometimes arise from a lack of appreciation of paradox in our lives.

Adherence to myth is so pervasive in our world that we just go along with something even though we know in our heart or hearts it’s wrong. [1]

And perhaps, from our point of view – a very important one

~ People want to maintain power, so they invent myths to convince ordinary people that whatever they say is true.

You will probably have identified myths in the Sub-Chapter on Power and Control in Society.

To perpetuate corporate closed-ness, myths are constantly being invented, and then huge energy is expended trying to get ordinary people to believe them. I believe that most people spot these myths; but they don’t really challenge them as they feel a kind of comfort in believing them.  Perhaps this is why there is so much cynicism and lack of trust in our institutions.

There’s an old saying which states that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.

In the world in which we live, however, the prevalence of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is so great that, perhaps, the old saying is telling us, in code, that the whole world is insane.

The reality is that it is more likely that if we do something different or non-mainstream we run the risk of being thought to be a little insane or at least eccentric.  Perhaps the saying does not factor in the fear of change that seems to be part and parcel of being human.  It is not lack of intelligence, or a lack of awareness of the past that stops us from doing something different.

It could simply be fear of the unknown, or fear of challenging vested interests, or the embarrassment (or even shame) that we feel when we are proved wrong again by the powerful quick-thinkers, or lack of confidence in our own ability.

The myth part of this is that we come to believe that we are doing something different even when we are doing the same thing!

[1]. When I think of this I always think of the thought-provoking and awareness-raising exercises that teachers do with pupils in schools (or leaders might do with young people in youth clubs) that serve to alert children and young people to injustice and unfairness in our world, and/or projects on green, recycling, or conservation issues. I believe that such exercises, though of high value, are seen by children as just exercises, which are okay for the classroom but are not really applicable in the world of grown-ups outside the classroom or club.

We often hear people, when something triggers a (usually funny – or embarrassingly frank) remark from children; say ‘children are so honest’, or ‘children always say it like it is’  as a child names or describes something that is clear to all but no adult would have the gumption to say.

These are examples of children naming realities and/or truths before they grow older and become afraid to challenge the mythical world that most adults occupy.

I mention comedies that poke fun at institutions (such as hospitals, the military, public/civil service, established churches, prisons etc., even family life itself) in different parts of the website.

Institutions are major repositories of myths.  I believe that in the comedies, viewers readily see through the myths and empathise with the human struggle for common sense in the do as I say not as I do environment of the typical institution. This is what makes them so funny.

In the Table below, I attempt to outline the process through which we might end up believing something that we did not originally perceive to be our reality or truth ……….. to be real and true! 

These are my thoughts on formulation of myth in our consciousness – you may like to add to them – it is a kind of journey on the road to believing myth. The way I did it was to track development from babyhood to adulthood, and consider influences that we come under on our journey.

In Gestalt Psychotherapy, the process of coming to believe something that doesn’t fit with our direct experience of the world is known as introjection.  Metaphorically, we swallow things that we cannot digest – so end up feeling a little (psychologically) queasy as adults.

Getting rid of as much myth as we are able will help in reducing the psychological queasiness.

Remember it is a long journey, from pre-birth to perhaps (according to the latest research) 23-24 years of age – maybe longer – with countless experiences arising from encounters with different people in many different environments – and as we go through it we are like sponges absorbing everything. Of course we will be exposed to (and believe) myths throughout all our lives but I will focus on the phase of growth when, arguably, the foundation for adult life is laid down.

I divided the columns into what I thought might be going on cognitively and emotionally at different (approximate) ages that correspond to different stages of development.  

Process Of Mythology – How We End Up Believing Myths (1) – Family

The above Table is a very rough guide, where the content of the cognitive and emotional columns could be true at different ages and stages.

The principal point that I am making is that, through all stages of growth from babyhood, we learn that significant others are not open to considering our opinion to be valid because we hear how vehemently the others – usually our parents, (but also teachers, peers and other people of influence) – express their opinion, and/or we feel punished by them when expressing a different view. This could be overt like a direct rebuke, a long lecture, a sarcastic comment etc. or it could be far more subtle e.g. like silence, sighs of disappointment or withdrawal of regard.

(And an example of the end result might be that – see 12 above – I come to believe that someone who makes and/or threatens to use nuclear missiles is normal and someone who hugs a tree to prevent a motorway being built is eccentric).

As a child, my need to be in-relationship-with-parent (and other people of influence) is far greater than my need to be true-to-myself.

It might be interesting for you to do the above exercise, picking out an aspect of your life and analysing it through the stages.  The ages are approximate – there is no need to worry too much about being accurate – we all will have different experiences at different ages and we all mature at a different pace.

You could take an example in your own life from politics, violence-nonviolence, power in families, refugees or asylum seekers, community work, religion, criminals and imprisonment, addiction, heroes you have, various prejudices you have – in fact, anything that you feel strongly about.

In doing it, try and remember a myth that you once believed, and examine:

~ How you came to believe it in the first place.

~ What happened to you that you stopped believing it?

~ What were the challenges in moving from believing the myth to not believing the myth?

(And finally)

~ If accepting reality instead of myth increased the amount of energy you had.

I did this exercise with religion.

I found that while challenging the myth and accepting my truth gave me a burst of energy and a feeling of freedom, I also felt less secure for a while.  That is, I discovered that myth can be associated both with relationship and the security of certainty. With relationship, when I was young I probably believed the myths rather than risk rejection and disapproval. With certainty, when I was young I was absolutely certain about things like original sin and confession.  Now I’m not sure anymore.  And while I’d far prefer the uncertainty, it is also unsettling.

In the context of religion the myths were stories of very unlikely and far-fetched happenings way beyond what the realities of my day-to-day experience [1] – as well as the inevitability of horrific consequences of, in adult hindsight, no or very minor wrongdoing i.e. going to hell for eternity.

Getting rid of the psychological queasiness was fine, but I found that I had to balance my belief in myth and my need for relationship and certainty in respect of what was most important to me.

[1]. For example, I had to believe that the bread and wine on the altar in the Catholic Mass is transformed into the body and blood of a man (Jesus Christ) who died almost 2,000 years ago. I did not perceive that I had a choice in whether I believed or not. Whether or not it happens is irrelevant, really. Non-awareness that I had a choice in believing conditioned me to believe myths.

In the previous post I considered how we might come to believe myths as we grow up in our family. And in parallel with that experience, when we go to school (and college) there is continual conditioning to ensure that we don’t allow reality to get in the way of the myths that are prevalent in the world in general and find their way into the education system – and then into the world of employment.

Consider the sequence below in respect of our route to employment:

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I go to school

I observe something that is real, or true to me

I mention it, and either a teacher or a schoolmate disapproves of what I say

I become aware of the disapproval and I begin to feel ashamed or embarrassed

I learn (firstly) to monitor my thoughts and (secondly) to modify my attitude towards things that will induce disapproval

I either don’t mention such things at all or give a false opinion – not in keeping with my perceived reality

Eventually I begin to believe that what I observe is not what I have experienced as real

I come to believe that what people in authority say is truer than what I experience or observe

The belief that others’ opinions are superior to my own is reinforced time and time again

I learn to tolerate the intolerable to maintain relationship and some advantage for myself

This view carries through from 2^nd level education into 3^rd level

I learn to disconnect from anger, disappointment etc. as I learn that direct expression of such emotions brings disadvantage

I believe in cognitive methods of experience and in the primacy of cognition over emotions

I believe that it is not safe to think too deeply about things because this may challenge beliefs that keep me safe

I give up believing in common sense that challenges the status quo

I come to accept that complaining about something and not doing anything about it is the norm

I come to believe that to object (or try and change the environment) is a useless exercise

(Important one this)! I believe that the system is much greater than I am

I become a worker – perhaps one that is tasked to protect children!

Now, after all that, what kind of a worker do you think I’ll be?

Perhaps I’ll be brilliant.  I may be one of those workers that, while not being able to change the environment, can do great work within it.  Or maybe I won’t.  If I am very young and immature, straight out of college, I will quickly be socialised into the system and be reluctant to challenge the myths that prevail in the organisation I work in. After some time I may have a family and mortgage and bills to pay so challenging the myths might result in me being out of favour when applying for jobs, for other posts (e.g. promotion) or may disadvantage me in some other way.

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Most myths arise from prejudices formed by managers and others in leadership positions who are influenced (or, as I said above, socialised) both in their education/training (right back to their childhood, primary and secondary school but also and in particular 3^rd Level Colleges) and as junior practitioners, by powerful academic, political (often with a small ‘p’) and reductionist thinking.

People in distress who are the subject of decisions based on myths may go along with something that they feel, intuitively, is unlikely to work, because they may be in a desperate situation and be grasping at straws, and/or they may not have the confidence or knowledge, or the ability to articulate their doubts and fears about the proposed decision.

Central to how we come to believe myth when it’s within the realm of employment is the belief that if we do well in exams we are more competent people. In this, we come to believe that external approval has higher status than internal feel good. (In this post I explore this further).

It is certainly beneficial to us that other humans think highly of us, but if we don’t feel good within ourselves; external approval is a hollow substitute – and is ultimately harmful.

Just to highlight the prevalence of myth in our society I will give a few examples from the present and not-too-distant past.

~ A big societal myth beloved of the political/money-making establishment is that if policies favour the rich becoming super-rich they will invest their money in factories etc. and the poor will eventually benefit because the economy will improve sufficiently to give everyone jobs. This economic paradigm may have some credence in respect of the middle and working classes but has little or no effect on the Focus Group.

This myth is promoted because it suits the corporate world.

~ The argument is often made that prison is not a very good method of ensuring that we will have less crime in society.  (Indeed it has often been called a University of Crime).  However vast amounts of money are expended on prisons so someone obviously believes that by spending money on prisons we are, somehow or another, doing something to reduce the incidence of crime in society.

Those who make the former argument would probably regard the latter belief as a myth.

~ A well publicised myth (that I remember anyway) occurred in 1980 when Lord Denning, in England, stated, when commenting on the actions of the West Midlands Police, that the Birmingham Six could not be innocent because if they were it raised the appalling vista that the police were guilty of beating confessions out of them – and this could not happen – therefore they must be guilty. (The Lord reportedly retracted his comments in later life).

Adherence to the myth of police-good-behaviour trumped the reality of hard evidence.

~ There are two posts in the website that describe invention of myths to control the past. This is done in the knowledge that if we do that we can manipulate history and control the present and future to suit our agenda.

Firstly, in this post cruel and callous imperial conquest is linked to sport, an activity that most people feel promotes positive values, and secondly (and closer to home), this post promotes the myth that violent struggle against oppression – where terrible and cruel deeds are carried out – is honourable and dignified only if it is initiated and led by people of importance in society.

~ Adherence to myth is exposed in the well-known folk tale The Emperor Has No Clothes, where an emperor rode on horseback down a public street, naked.  When a young boy in the crowd expressed some surprise at this spectacle he was told to shut up by adult onlookers, who really needed to believe that the Emperor was, indeed, fully clothed.

The above are fairly obvious (as are all the examples that I gave in the post on corporate closedness) but I include more subtle myths below.  I include five – I could come up with many more – examples that I have had direct experience of, and/or may be proposed by people desperate to come up with solutions to seemingly impossible situations.

Once again – my principal concern is families in the Focus Group.

And, while I am on the subject, what I might call a million-€-myth!

Consider the urban regeneration of so-called disadvantaged areas.

The idea that spending millions knocking houses that have been allowed fall into disrepair by people who haven’t got the skills to keep a house in proper order, and building more for the same people without a long term developmental plan for the people themselves is surely one of the most expensive myths of all.

This a very good example of the quick-fix, top-down solution that 1): ignores the potential and innate wisdom of ordinary people 2): supports the we’ll do it for you not with you thinking 3): disregards the need for longevity in respect of human change and/or development, and 4): totally misunderstands the complexity of the problem. 

And to finish this post, let me stress that I am not campaigning for change in the examples described 1 to 7 in the Table above. I mention them to encourage you to raise your awareness of myth in the helping industry.

In my experience, the more hierarchical an organisation is, the more likely it is that myths will prevail.

On the surface the reason for this would seem to be a fear of challenging someone in power, fear of losing out on promotion or losing one’s job etc. etc.

However in addition to fear there are very powerful unconscious group dynamics at play that promote the ‘we all know what should be done but none of us will stand up and say so’ type of thinking.  This is a very common feature of the way humans behave in groups, and I have referred to it elsewhere.

Now, in respect of downward causation, when it comes to the family, some of our most harmful myths concern violence. I will focus on some of them here.

Take, for example, one of the more explicit hierarchies, the military. The great armies of the world who terrorise entire countries would not want prospective recruits in their countries, who might be considering the military as a career, to be aware of what war does to children.  They wouldn’t fill half a page of broadsheet with a picture of injured children crying for their dead mother and ask do you want to be part of this?

Instead of showing the reality of war, and telling the whole truth they portray a myth, that military life is a positive and adventurous experience where one can learn new skills, travel the world and do some good.

This, of course, is linked to another great myth – the one that we humans are safer and will enjoy more long term security for our children and families when we are in a state of preparedness for fighting than when we are cooperating.

Some years ago a terrorist organisation in the Middle East used beheading to punish people that were guilty of – from their point of view – crimes, and, of course, to shock the Western World. Virtually all media commentators rightly considered this to be cruel and pitiless.

But Saudi Arabia, who do a lot of lucrative business with countries in the Western World use beheading as a method of execution of their citizens who are found to be guilty of certain crimes. Doing business with them doesn’t seem to be inhibited by the harshness of their punishments.

And Henry the Eighth of England used beheading to terrorise those who got in his way (including his own wives) in England in the 16^th century.  The French Revolutionaries terrorised their opponents the same way.  Oliver Cromwell was ruthless and merciless in his pursuit of his goal of getting rid of the Catholic Irish.

All above are remembered with some admiration in their respective countries.  Should not their terrorism (or in Cromwell’s case, ethnic cleansing and war crimes) be loathed by all so-called right-thinking men and women?

Yet in the town of Ely, in England, Cromwell is noted as a man who had many positive attributes, and was tenth on the list of the 100 Greatest Britons in a poll in 2002.  And the anniversary of the very violent French Revolution, (14^th July) that led to the Terror, where beheading was the principal method of getting rid of opponents, is now a national holiday in France.

And we do not need to look abroad. Already I referred to our own well-promoted myth that the Old IRA were noble and the New IRA were bad (which I also mentioned halfway down the last post).

But surely the greatest and most harmful myth of all is that we think that we are somehow special – and immune from extinction.

But life, as distinct from human life, has a resilience all of its own.  Gaia hypothesis implies that the planet will get rid of anything that threatens life – not human life per se. In this thinking, the human species is expendable.

Virtually all Governments everywhere, while promoting themselves as democratic independent entities guarding the people’s welfare, have (as we have seen in the Sub-Chapter on Power and Control in Society) almost always been supportive of the corporate establishment, which, in turn, has usually been indistinguishable from royalty – or the Politburo in the Soviet Union or the People’s Congress in China – which passed (or pass) for a kind of royalty in those countries.

Community workers need to remember that there is a direct link between the preservation of myths and the view that prevails in every country of the world that keeps people helpless, powerless and poor.

The feeling of being entitled to more has always been a feature of those who have the wit to dominate others.  This filters down the line to the people at the bottom rung of the income and status ladder, who, to paraphrase the footballer, pundit and writer Eamonn Dunphy from his highly entertaining book ‘Only A Game’ are entitled only to be fodder for the needs of the corporate world.

So it is important when we focus on design that we challenge what we believe are myths because there is a direct link between myth and energy.

Myth dampens enthusiasm, causes cynicism and distrust of institutions, and ultimately assists in keeping people in their place.

Imagine, if you can, all the energy that would be unleashed in society if we believed reality instead of myth, if we were true to ourselves, and if common-sense instead of non-sense prevailed.

Being true is a gift we give ourselves ……. and we deserve at least that!