4.1.3 An Exercise In Projection

Modelling is important in family support.  Our need to belong leads us to imitate (or model our behaviour on) significant others as we project what we unconsciously want for ourselves onto them.

Many studies have been done (some by Desmond Morris) on how and why primates learn by observation, i.e. we imitate, emulate, and then model.

I propose that imitation, or mimicry, which is fundamental to human learning, fulfils a need for symmetry in our lives in that we, unconsciously, move towards being an image of, (i.e. tend towards) the other we admire, are influenced by, or feel close to.

Now I suggest you do an exercise in projection. But before you do the exercise it might be useful to know what projection is.

There are different forms of projection in psychology, which you can read about if interested. Projection can involve an attempt by us to assign to another the traits we do not like in ourselves. Let us say we are always losing our temper. Instead of taking responsibility for our anger we blame the other person for making us angry.

Or, in another form, let us say someone is angry with us. Instead of reflecting on our behaviour which might lead to the other person being angry wIth us we try and let ourselves off the hook by saying that we are reminding the other of someone else in their life (e.g. their parent) that they have unresolved anger towards. (That is, we decide that they are projecting).

The exercise in the next post involves a slightly different type of projection to either of the above.

It is is designed to spark your thoughts, imagination, self-awareness etc.  What I mean by self-awareness is knowledge of what traits, characteristics, or qualities that others have that you wish to have.

It is also symmetry in real time because if you had the exact same traits the relationship between you and the other person would be symmetrical.

That is, every trait that you identify in the other would be mirrored by an equivalent trait in you – a fairly unlikely scenario I admit!

Following on from the last post where I described different kinds of projection, this exercise is designed to assist in becoming aware of our prejudices and biases, likes and dislikes, etc.

And it is not as easy as it looks!

I recommend a bit of deep reflection and consider 1): what your values are and, 2): (a little trickier) what image that you want to portray to the world.

Try and be as honest as possible – once again – you may want the world to see it, or you may want no-one to see it. It’s up to you! If you want you can print out the page, or else just do it mentally.

And in characteristics or traits you can, obviously, put in a lot more if you want. If you really want to develop your self-awareness you will assign as much importance to the dislike as the like.

Someone you like and admire*: ___________________________

His/her traits and characteristics: ______________________________

Why are they attractive: ______________________________________

How close (1-10) are you to this person? __________________________

What would it be like to be with him/her for a week?

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Someone you never had much time for * ___________________________

His/her traits and characteristics: ______________________________

Why are they not attractive: ______________________________________

How close (1-10) are you to this person? __________________________

What would it be like to be with him/her for a week?

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* Could be a singer, celebrity, politician, actor, sportsperson or even a relative.

For example, I have great admiration for certain singers or songwriters.  I have a lot of their albums, and I think their lyrics and music are very good.  I project some of what I’d like to be myself onto such stars.

Also, their feelings about things (or, at least, what I interpret their feelings to be from their songs) match my own feelings about the same things – in a kind of symmetry. 

Millions of others around the world experience the same symmetry – which is why they have so much success as artists.

There are other artists that I don’t really have much time for.  They may be top-songwriters and artists in their own right with brilliant lyrics and melodies.  But I probably don’t like them because even though I have nothing against them personally, they don’t really connect with me.

That is, I don’t have a strong feeling of symmetry with them or their melodies or lyrics. 

There’s not much of me that I identify in them that I really want to be like.  But they are also very famous, so obviously millions of other people do.

Think about the results – and write down what you found out about yourself.

As I said, the purpose of the exercise is self-awareness, nothing else.