3.6.2 Inclusiveness - Boundedness - Creativity

I have already proposed that our day to day work – if we are taking it seriously at all – involves a kind of personal tension (in a good way).

I now propose that this tension arises from the constant interaction between inclusiveness, creativity, and boundedness, the three elements which I call our Family Support Shamrock.

When I say constant interaction I mean that there is rarely a steady state where all three co-exist in even proportions.  Depending on the situation, the circumstance, the individual or individuals looking for help, our own mood on the day, or even the decisions that colleagues may have made previously, there will be a continual dance between the three elements.

At one point, we may need to be very inclusive, while on another day in a different circumstance, the boundary will be to the fore.  The one constant, ever-present aspect of our work is, however, creativity.

Young men and women who are on the road to addiction and who may have committed crimes to satisfy their instant gratification need might be challenged by the warmth and intimacy of inclusion (so may not be that attracted, initially, to the ease of the relationship), and, of course, most will be very resistant to learning necessary boundaries.

But they will always be drawn to creativity.

For practitioners, it is important to remember that such young people (and some not-so-young) may never have experienced creativity – even from those who are there to help them.  (What they more likely might have experienced is distance, take it or leave it, coercion or in some cases even bullying).

And coercion, bullying and take-it-or-leave-it might not be that challenging for them at all – indeed, that is the kind of world with which they may be familiar!

The Family Support Shamrock offers something different.

To sum up, I believe that we are drawn to creativity because it touches our spirit; we want to be included because of the strength of the root foundation of relationship, and we need boundaries to feel secure and safe.

The remainder of this Chapter will explore the three elements with respect to how they are enhanced and/or inhibited [1] firstly in organisations and then in the self, and are utilised to good effect in our work.

[1] When I say a characteristic, or trait will be enhanced I mean that it will become stronger, or more influential.  When I say inhibited I mean that its influence will be lessened over time.  For example, if I say that creativity is inhibited by, say, a rigid structure, I mean that people who work in the organisation find it hard to be creative, even if they’d like to be, and/or people who ask for help or visit the organisation don’t notice or expect much creativity.

One of our earliest and most fundamental needs is to have a sense of belonging. 

From my experience over many years I believe that much involvement in crime etc. stems from the need to belong being met in a way that is unhealthy, and harmful to people involved in crime themselves, to their families, and, of course, to wider society.

(Just as an aside, I also acknowledge that there may be some people who don’t need to have a sense of belonging in a greater human entity and are at one with their aloneness. See also the Sub-Chapter on attachment styles).

But for those of us who do need to have a sense of belonging, I will state that it is fostered in our good enough family from the day we are born – or actually from when we are conceived – if we think about it deeply!

We know from systems theory that if we want to effect change in people we need to include them, and, more importantly, they need to feel included.

Good work will never be done at a distance, and often, if I don’t feel a sense of inclusion I will drift away – even in cases where the organisation from which I seek help is staffed by highly professional practitioners who are really good at their job.

Now the principal reason why we might end up in prison is that, for one reason or another, we continuously struggle to accept behavioural boundaries that are the norm in mainstream society.  For those of us who don’t go to prison, (or haven’t gone yet) adherence to these behavioural boundaries ensures we are included in whatever we feel will be of benefit to us.  (In particular our family and mainstream school, but also groups such as sports clubs, friends, music, groups, teams of one type or another etc.)

Remember the example of the child where we described the mysterious emotional pain? It is not easy to diagnose, or prescribe a cure for it – it just is.

In the context of this Chapter the most important thing to remember is that, as a child, my experience of this mysterious pain, day in day out, year in year out, may get in the way of accepting the behavioural boundaries mentioned above.

This, of course, is detrimental to my long-term, consistent inclusion in groups that would benefit me and contribute to my normal development.  Avoidance of common-sense boundaries, the accepting of which seems relatively easy for other children, then becomes a pattern that I grow accustomed to, believing that they apply to others but not to me (Perhaps it is the case that continual internal reinforcement of applies-to-others-but-not-to-me messages leads to narcissism – particularly of the grandiose type – in adult life).

But the desire to feel included in something is so strong, particularly in my formative years, that I will endure a lot – sometimes coercion and even bullying that is harsh and demeaning – just to be included.

In trying to be inclusive, that is, ensure that people have a genuine sense of belonging, practitioners may fall into the trap of not wanting to put anyone out, or, to put it another way, wanting to include everyone.

So we need boundaries in order to ensure that our inclusion is healthy and not an anything goes kind of free for all that is fundamentally unhealthy and, overall, damaging to our goals of encouraging responsibility, autonomy and other desirable pro-social traits.

As an aside, the human need for boundaries is evident in many of our preferences in life.  For example, why is a picture more attractive when it is framed?  Why do we need to frame it? Why are games more attractive when they have rules?  Indeed, it would not be a game at all if it didn’t have rules, and would not be fair or equal.  (I will revisit this in the Chapter on Symmetry in Section Four).

On the subject of boundaries, we need:

1. Adequate knowledge, skill and maturity so that we are not torn in different directions, influenced by different opinions, or seduced by different courses of action, no matter how attractive they seem at first;

And

2. A reflective balance to ensure that we do not damage a potential opportunity to build a relationship, (or throw out a good idea) because we are obsessed with the boundary!

So, given all the evidence that is there which posits the importance of healthy boundaries in human growth, how do we address the challenge of including someone [1] who is not accustomed to accepting boundaries, in something that to be of benefit, and which, to be significant, consistent and wholesome must have healthy boundaries?

This is where creativity, the third part of our Family Support Shamrock, comes in.  Problems and dilemmas, even the most difficult ones, always have opportunities hidden inside – just waiting to be discovered [2]. 

[1]. What we are aiming for is to ensure that his decision to be included is made within himself – always more powerful than mandated or coercive inclusion.

[2]. And of course there is no point in discovering the opportunity and being creative in our approach if we do not have the knowledge, tenacity, and energy to act on it – this will be covered in the Chapter on Creativity in the Section on Practical Applications.