If you have not read the Chapter entitled Important Descriptions yet, and you want to know what I mean when I mention the Focus Group – a term that I use to describe the families that have many or all of characteristics 1 to 9 below – here is a summary.
The full Sub-Chapter is here, where all the points below are expanded upon.
IMPORTANT NOTE: I have tried, in these descriptions, to reflect the realities of the circumstances of families that I have experienced over many decades, as well as being respectful and measured. The last thing that I’d want is to exaggerate or be sensational.
Yet I believe that it is important, no matter what problem we are trying to address, that we reflect reality – where something is at – rather than pretend that it is the way we’d like it to be.
Now many families have some of these characteristics, and some will have many, but people (like me) who ply our trade in this area of work will encounter families that have all of them.
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If I am a child growing up in a family in the Focus Group:
1. Addiction: My family is affected by addiction, which will, almost always, interfere with our happiness and contentment. Some of my family are involved in drug dealing, violence, and even serious crime, bringing shame and guilt to my family. The harmful effects of addiction are ever-present. If I am in my early teenage years I may be getting involved myself.
2. Education: Early school leaving is normal in my family, going back to the days of my parents and grandparents. When I leave school, I will find companionship and belonging among other young people who also have left school early. Because of bad behaviour, I may be diagnosed with ADHD, and get special help. But usually, my parents do not have the energy to ensure that I attend school, help with homework etc. If I am a member of the Travelling Community school might have little or no meaning for me.
3. Housing: My family may have experienced homelessness, and my parents are anxious about ending up homeless. I have no private space or I may live in a hotel room. Sometimes we have to move because of intimidation, but no matter the reason, frequent moving is a feature of my life, changing schools, making new friends etc.
4. Violence: Sadly, I may observe and experience violence (including sexual violence and inappropriate sexual behaviour) within my family, which may be unexpected and often linked to drinking. Because of this, I am often fearful and anxious. My Mam’s (or Dad’s) mood can change from anger to love and back again for, seemingly, no apparent reason. I am often confused, and try to predict what mood they’ll be in. Generally, no-one outside the family knows about this violence.
5. Tragedy: I may frequently experience tragedy and loss including suicide, murder, drugs overdoses, or serious accidents in my family and extended family. The losses might be intensified by angry outbursts, rage, blame, harsh criticism, controlling behaviour and a high level of fear. When people are blaming each other, I don’t know what side to take.
6. Illness: We have a lot of health issues in our family including mental health. In my family, adults die younger than in the general population because of onset of serious illnesses and the unhealthy lifestyles led. I don’t know anyone who can afford to buy health insurance or pay for private healthcare, so if any of us are ill we (mostly) experience long waits for medical attention.
7. Poverty: From a young age I realise, somehow or another, that we are very poor financially. My parents may be in debt to illegal moneylenders or they might hide in our house because they are behind on bills. Electricity could be turned off, or we’ll have no fuel for heat. The only way we have of getting money is the dole and other allowances given to poor families. To get money we may be involved in drug dealing, crime etc., or receiving, buying/selling stolen goods.
8. Isolation: I sense that our family is isolated. My parents are often suspicious of the motives (and often avoid, and are then avoided by) organisations that are set up to assist families like mine. I get used to hiding things about our family from people outside the family. When I get older I notice that families like mine are insulted and offended in the newspapers, radio and television – heightening the sense of isolation.
——-and finally
9. Imprisonment: Visiting prison is a very common experience in my family. It’s no big deal, it’s just another thing we do! Older relatives (parents, uncles, aunts) may have been in prison down through the years. As well as having been in detention, some of my adult relatives may have been in State care as children, or their children might be in care.
In our family we know a lot about prisons, courts, probation etc., and even the legal system.
But, through all 1 to 9 above, because of our great spirit, and because families are families, we can have great fun and a sense of togetherness and camaraderie, which sustains us through the difficult circumstances we find ourselves in.
There are also some wise and strong people in my family who those who are getting into trouble turn to for help.
And I learn many useful coping skills on the journey of life. For example, mutual support, endurance, calming volatile situations, wisdom, an intuitive sense of impending danger, dealing with uncertainty and imperfection, among others.
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ANOTHER IMPORTANT NOTE: When I mention the Focus Group I am referring to families that have most or all of the characteristics that I attempt to describe through the eyes of a child in 1 – 9 above.