In the Chapter on Universal Theories of Change I identified integration as a root foundation. That is, integration is an intrinsic element of human growth.
It interests me so I said that I’d spend some time on it. (And in this post, I ponder on why, in our daily lives, we appear to afford it so little attention).
If I am three, and I have a tantrum (which is a perfectly normal phase of growth) I disconnect. My normal functioning stalls. My muscles become tense and rigid. The frontal lobe of my brain that has been steadily growing since birth becomes temporarily frozen – particularly those parts that are concerned with control and judgement. Such is the level of disconnect that in extreme cases I might stop breathing. (Fragmentation is a term that is sometimes used).
Calming down after a tantrum, returning to my true self, that is, who I really am, in my own time (another root foundation) in an environment of healthy boundaries and parental love is an example of integration. My energy level falls as my heartbeat and blood flow return to normal and my muscles relax.
In normal development, a more general integration is evident from age 4 on, as I realise that there are more advantages for me in delaying gratification than insisting on getting my own way immediately.
(This is written about by Daniel Goleman his book Emotional Intelligence when he describes Walter Mischel’s marshmallow test).
Sometimes when I think of integration I think of a jig-saw. Imagine a jig-saw with all the pieces scattered on a table. It takes a lot of effort and concentration to put them all together in their right places – particularly if there is no picture to help us. But when we put it all together the picture is clear – and clearer if we stand back from it a little and we see the full picture and hardly see the lines at all. Integration involves reconnecting – seeing what fits together well and, indeed, having patience, perseverance and – time.
Getting back to humans, it involves rebuilding relationship with self.
If, in a 3-year-old child, integration is rushed by an impatient parent a false self may be constructed to please the parent. Of course, if I have to do this over and over again and I carry it into adulthood I get so accustomed to the false self that I might forget who I really am – in fact the false self begins to define me. For example, my muscles may stay tense, or my brain remains on high alert, or my stomach is upset long after the need for me to be that way. (This is also linked to the process of believing myths).
Disintegration, or fragmentation can, of course, happen at any stage of our lives – usually when we experience trauma. Our normal functioning freezes and dissociation is not uncommon. (This has found its way into our language – we often hear people say, having been very upset ‘I was in bits‘). Integration, just like in the 3-year-old, is the process of returning to and being in good relationship with self, and being at ease.
In cases of severe trauma ongoing over many years or decades, arising from insecure disorganised attachment in our childhood, integration can be a slow process. In such cases I sometimes I think more of shattered glass than a jig-saw. This is far more difficult to put together and requiring more patience, perseverance, skill and time.