In this Chapter where I am encouraging people within the Pillars to be interested in sharing power when supporting families in the Focus Group, it might be helpful to explore the context of our work.
Because many people consider this work to be challenging, I believe that its psychological-emotional context makes partnership challenging too.
Let us once again focus on the family to illustrate why.
An alcoholic or drug addict in a family is usually considered to be a burden to those members who are trying to get on with their lives. Almost always, there is a history of worry and attention going back to childhood or early teenage years. That mixture of anger and love that is almost unique to family is constant.
Concerned parents and other family members try everything but nothing seems to work. Embarrassment, distrust, shame and guilt are common. The member of the family who carries the burden is viewed with sometimes admiration, and sometimes condescension and it is thought that it is all right for him/her but I couldn’t do it.
Above all, the prevailing thought is that if only we didn’t have this problem our family’s troubles would be over!
While the person who carries the burden is allowed carry it, the condition is that (apart from the odd outburst of irrational anger) other dysfunctional behaviours within the family that might be contributing to the excessive misuse of substances – sometimes illegal – on the part of the member (or members) are not named, or challenged.
Almost always, if the burden carrier (or caretaker) begins to name these things (not to mention trying to change them) she faces an uphill battle.
And in addition (usually anyway) – because of the distrust that exists and has grown over so many years – the caretaker will rarely have much inclination to share power with the person who has the problem.
Perhaps it is because alcoholism and drug misuse touches so many families in Ireland that we tend to bring our nothing seems to work, or there’s nothing we can do except contain it prejudice into the helping arena.
Because this is what happens in society too.
So long as the widespread dysfunction, abuse, injustice, inequality and unfairness of society is not challenged, the well-meaning voluntary agencies and charities are allowed get along with it, and carry the emotional burden.
And, indeed, it may be the same with this website. Some of it may challenge you to think about the existing order of how-we-do-things and/or how-we-think-about-society. I am fairly sure that because it pushes out the boat a bit in those areas there may be many of you who will disagree with it’s propositions, ideas and even the conclusions that I reach about certain matters.
And you’ll probably think that I have some sort of obsession about this, but the points system to get into third level education is a perfect example – if you think about it – in that it is totally at variance with all modern theories in respect of what is good for children’s healthy development, and still it exists! There are now counsellors in schools to support children who are stressed but if the source of the stress is the education system it is the child who has to change – not the system.
Obviously, homelessness is another – there will be all sorts of tinkering with supplements, tax loopholes, caps on rent etc. to alleviate distress of those most affected but the current paradigm of providing housing will not be challenged.
And in our efforts to reduce the incidence of addiction, clever advertising which promotes addictive substances (and most certainly contributes to its incidence) is rarely challenged either.
Or, consider the environment. Primary and Secondary school students might be encouraged to do a project on something to do with saving energy, or recycling, or the benefits of preserving wild meadows so bees can thrive. A Government Minister might even come to the school and give some award, praise or recognition – and the pupils might be praised in the local paper. But taking the big corporations to task is beyond us. (It even appeared to be beyond us at the most recent climate change conference where, following endless debate and discussion, it is largely business-as-usual for the world’s mega-corporations).
And I won’t even mention our health system!
The reality is that if I, a community worker, try to protect a young child who is dropping out of school, and I notice that parents are putting undue emotional stress on the child, I can attempt to raise the parents’ awareness of the negative effect of their (often well-meaning) actions.
But I can rarely if ever do that if the system, or some element within the system, is causing him distress. He just has to put up with it, as the vast majority of the population do, and try and work his way around it, or through it.
I’m not saying (nor do I have any confidence) that I believe anything will change here, much as you or I might wish for it. I’m just pointing out things that I regularly observe and that might make the task of getting the Pillars – as an entity – on board very challenging…….