This post briefly considers change in the family.
Beneath the self-similar patterns of behaviour that we described earlier, (and that are actually the foundation of the more things change the more they stay the same expression, i.e. the patterns repeating themselves) a family is a constantly changing entity.
This is because individual members of the family are constantly changing.
Mostly, the individuals are growing, but some are dying (or nearing the end of their physical life) which brings further change that can be very difficult for the members of the family that remain.
While we are constantly changing, some periods of our lives are more notable for fast growth and change than others – and during these times the change can be very challenging. For example, a teenager growing – in any family – is usually very challenging.
This is because the rate of growth of the individual is faster than the speed at which the other members of the family (particularly those who see themselves in charge – i.e. parents) can adapt to the change.
This is interesting, because it implies that process, in general, is forced to speed up a little – or maybe a lot – above normal speed. Usually, if we are parents, we rise to the occasion, and find strengths that we did not know we had, to cope with the fast changing situations where every day brings new emotional challenges.
And it is not only parents that have to adapt to change. All the family, and sometimes the extended family, has to adapt in different ways.
I referred to a child learning to ride a bike in the Chapter in Cause and Effect – which, in terms of mental-physical-emotional coordination is an example of growing up.
The effect on the parents of the child learning to ride his bike (the cause) is joy/delight at the new found freedom and fear/anxiety that there might be an accident. In late teens, of course, when he learns to ride a motorbike, the joy seems to wither away totally and is replaced by constant parental fear and often high anxiety!
So there is always cause and effect in change. And it is largely through this lens it is explored in this Sub-Chapter.
Like almost all of our adult experiences, whether or not we adapt to change with ease or with difficulty is laid down in our family of origin.
And, the kind of change that we find easy or hard is also formed in this way.
For example, I may adapt very well to change in my work whereas change in my family might cause me a lot of distress. Or vice versa.
I also believe that whether or not change in our organisation is easy or difficult is laid down by both our organisation’s history – i.e. our origins; combined with the history of (and attitude of) individual members of staff with respect to change.