Chaos is often mentioned in the context of families in our Focus Group. For example in this website (and in many others) children may be described as growing up in the chaos of addiction. Such chaos is deemed to be very unhelpful to children’s healthy development, whereas predictability, consistency, and order are all considered to be very important.
(This is true not only in respect of children but in human development and growth in general).
When people come together to form a group, (whether it be a political party, a commercial company, a sports club, a class, a group sharing the same hobbies, a community council, even a therapy group), the first thing that is done is that rules are written – so that as much chaos as possible can be eliminated and something can be achieved, as we all know that nothing will be achieved if chaos prevails.
Even in very loose groups where there are no set rules, unwritten rules and courtesies are adhered to so that the familiar order which we all yearn for can be present. And at a personal level, this applies too. Think of the amount of time we spend tidying up, sorting, classifying things etc.
It is through the continual dance between order and chaos, or certainty and uncertainty that we evolved to what we are today.
In the Chapter on the Family Support Shamrock we mentioned how a picture is more attractive when it is framed, or a game is more attractive when there are rules. These examples reflect our conscious and unconscious need to eliminate chaos. With the addition of the boundary (the frame, or the rules) it is complete and our expectation is that it will not change again.
Or think about gardening. Even though we humans are part of nature, every time we pull a weed out of our garden we are imposing our desire for order on nature’s chaos. But, non-human nature is not really chaotic – in fact, as I stated above, it is beautifully ordered. It’s only chaotic when it is viewed from the perspective of desire for order as defined by us!
So an enormous amount of our time, energy and effort is spent trying to eliminate, or at least minimise the effect(s) of chaos (and unexpected change) in our lives, and make everything certain and predictable.
Yet; chaos and uncertainty are things that we know both intuitively and from our lived experience, will always be with us.
I believe that in our efforts to be relevant in the lives of people whose day-to-day experiences include regular chaotic events, acceptance and admittance of a manageable amount of chaos can give people courage to be themselves, take a risk and/or show a part of themselves that would remain forever hidden in a more ordered and structured environment.
Here is a nice poem by a colleague of mine, the redoubtable Mick Lacey, about the human desire to put order on chaos.