In trying to be inclusive, that is, ensure that people have a genuine sense of belonging, practitioners may fall into the trap of not wanting to put anyone out, or, to put it another way, wanting to include everyone.
So we need boundaries in order to ensure that our inclusion is healthy and not an anything goes kind of free for all that is fundamentally unhealthy and, overall, damaging to our goals of encouraging responsibility, autonomy and other desirable pro-social traits.
As an aside, the human need for boundaries is evident in many of our preferences in life. For example, why is a picture more attractive when it is framed? Why do we need to frame it? Why are games more attractive when they have rules? Indeed, it would not be a game at all if it didn’t have rules, and would not be fair or equal. (I will revisit this in the Chapter on Symmetry in Section Four).
On the subject of boundaries, we need:
1. Adequate knowledge, skill and maturity so that we are not torn in different directions, influenced by different opinions, or seduced by different courses of action, no matter how attractive they seem at first;
And
2. A reflective balance to ensure that we do not damage a potential opportunity to build a relationship, (or throw out a good idea) because we are obsessed with the boundary!
So, given all the evidence that is there which posits the importance of healthy boundaries in human growth, how do we address the challenge of including someone [1] who is not accustomed to accepting boundaries, in something that to be of benefit, and which, to be significant, consistent and wholesome must have healthy boundaries?
This is where creativity, the third part of our Family Support Shamrock, comes in. Problems and dilemmas, even the most difficult ones, always have opportunities hidden inside – just waiting to be discovered [2].
[1]. What we are aiming for is to ensure that his decision to be included is made within himself – always more powerful than mandated or coercive inclusion.
[2]. And of course there is no point in discovering the opportunity and being creative in our approach if we do not have the knowledge, tenacity, and energy to act on it – this will be covered in the Chapter on Creativity in the Section on Practical Applications.