For a few final words on Person Centred Therapy, I will invite you to ponder on whether or not it makes sense to offer positive regard (or love, as positive regard is sometimes known as in its purest form) unconditionally?
PCT invites the person’s world into the practitioner’s space (whether that is a room, on the street, in a group etc.) and if we are truly committed to the invitation, we do so without conditions in respect of judgement as to how or in what direction the person will progress, if at all.
In this, it is very important to remember that, for those practitioners who are willing, implicit in the invitation is that power is also shared.
Remember the intertwining circles from a previous Chapter? Those diagrams try and depict how the Pillars, over time, dominate the space that the community occupies.
It is vital, for practitioners of PCT, that they do not dominate the shared space and, psychologically, drive the unique and personal characteristics of the person seeking help out of it. Sometimes it reminds me of a spider walking on water. The surface tension of the water ensures that the spider doesn’t sink. In the analogy, the helper’s task is to tread lightly so that he doesn’t sink and then have to struggle to stay afloat.
Staying afloat (metaphorically) is the responsibility of the helper, and it makes reflection and self-awareness necessary elements in the practice of PCT. It implies the presence of (sometimes uncomfortable) chaos and uncertainty, but, on the up-side, it opens the way for creativity and encouragement of autonomy.
There will be far more about the applications of this in Section Five, Practical Applications, but for now I will just note that it is often the inability or unwillingness of practitioners to live with this discomfort, and their subsequent urge to drive it out, that causes them to, over time, (and often unintentionally), dominate the shared space. (The Chapter on the Family Support Shamrock will discuss this in more detail).
In my opinion, if there is any magic wand (or silver bullet as it is sometimes called for some reason) in helping very hurt people and easing their pain I believe that unconditional positive regard comes closest.
It is very challenging firstly to find, and then give, and indeed sometimes accept but I believe that while it is elusive it does exist.
And the amazing thing about it is, because of the existence of the root foundations referred to in a previous Chapter, change will usually happen anyway, from within – when conditions are right.
I proposed already that people who have not experienced, or do not have a sense of personal power may obsess about garnering power and exercising control externally, often to the detriment of others. In addition to this, a lot of what we call evil in the world comes about as a result of acting out some form of emotional pain.
I believe that unconditional love has the effect of easing people’s pain, taking away the twin tyrannies of competition and comparison, and allowing people to grow at their own pace.
You might be interested in the writings of Martin Luther King Jr. Drawing on the beliefs of Mahatma Gandhi, M.L.K. believed that it was possible to solve major world problems involving injustice with love alone. He believed that the application of love changed people’s perception of themselves and their world to the extent that they begin to tend towards justice rather than injustice.
He did not believe that this was a quick-fix, however.