Person Centred Therapy (PCT) is based on three fundamental principles:
1. Empathy: Empathy is defined as the ability (and willingness) to walk in someone else’s shoes. Not literally, of course, but metaphorically. That is to invite the person in distress to describe what their situation is like, and then imagine what it might be like to be in that situation. And remember, we walk in their shoes, not in their socks. (That is, the practitioner is part of the process, but not so much that he is immersed in it).
Often, when people describe empathy, they stress that it is different to sympathy. And indeed it is. Sympathy can call on us to do something, extend ourselves, give to charity, pray for someone, feel sorry for them etc. and it is of course a very good thing to be sympathetic to others who might be suffering.
Empathy, however, implies long-term healing and relationship. And it is in, and through, relationship that healing happens.
2. Congruence: If we are congruent we have the ability and willingness to be genuine.
The genuine that is meant here is not the genuine that applies to a Rolex or a Ferrari. I believe that it is important to distinguish between being mechanically genuine and human genuineness. In a Rolex or a Ferrari, (or, indeed a diamond) any deviation from the manufacturer’s perfection (or, in the case of the diamond, the crystal formation) will render it non-genuine.
However, it is through imperfection that we humans are known.
In being genuine in a human way, what people see is what they get, even if it is imperfection. After all, to err is human and having an expectation that we will never err is unrealistic. Also, as I stated already, if we are not being genuine it will be spotted immediately.
3. Unconditional Positive Regard: This is the trickiest one to describe – and indeed put into practice. In essence, it is not having any goal for the person in distress – apart from that goal or those goals that emerge over time and that the person herself identifies. (It does not mean that I allow someone to walk all over me – as it might be described by critics of Person Centred Therapy).
Now not having any goal might sound easy – but it is not.
We are accustomed to having positive regard for those who we deem to be progressing, whether it is in school, home, work, sport, and almost every human endeavour. And most of us will have noticed that those who can’t keep up are often sidelined. If we have ever been involved in helping others, in any way, we will have experienced the good feeling that comes from the person that we are helping improving his circumstances.
Because of our years if not decades of these kinds of experiences it can be very challenging to continually offer positive regard to someone we perceive to be standing still, or even going backwards, in respect of how we feel that they should be progressing.
At its best, unconditional positive regard is truly the honouring of non-progress.
As I also stated a number of times, paradox is part of our human experience. And the paradox inherent in unconditional positive regard is that when we (the practitioners) stop demanding progress……… it happens! (This is a bit like the butterfly landing on us when we stop chasing it).
Another difficult part, or challenge is that progress often doesn’t happen as fast as we might expect and/or it may be in a different direction to that which we wish for.
In its purest form PCT leans heavily towards the systemic or holistic way of looking at the world – and, as will be mentioned later in this Chapter – has a lot of potential in respect of the root foundations described already.