In supporting families in distress, power, freedom to choose and complex variables are linked. I will explore the link(s) here.
Employees in social type work and helping in general may comply with Pillars thinking, pursuing courses of action that don’t work, so that they will gain the approval of decision makers within the Pillars. I know – I’ve been that practitioner!
But away from Pillars influence, and as I stated in the second half of the previous post, it is a lot easier to fool oneself into believing that something is working, when it isn’t, in the holistic (and complex) world of helping people in distress, than it is in the reductive (and complicated) world of technology. I also stated that lack of awareness of our own prejudices can cause us to keep doing something that’s not working, risking prolonging people’s distress.
One way of checking as to whether something is working or not, is, of course, to listen to the uncensored views of the families in the Focus Group, (i.e. those most affected by the decisions) [1]. Listening to uncensored views, and then taking them seriously, always increases complexity because we have to adjust our plans, strategies, etc. to include them. It also implies that we are willing to share power when we are making decisions.
In our work we are using our heart as well as our head and we also have to deal with the fact that everyone is an expert. So if I pretend to be someone that I’m not, then I’m not the person that I am – i.e. if I pretend to share power but I don’t – really – I am incongruent, that is, not genuine. This will be spotted immediately!
We humans are complex, constantly varying, emerging, growing beings who, judging by the evidence from thousands of generations, and affirmed by philosophers throughout all ages, greatly value freedom and autonomy.
In fact, freedom to think things out for ourselves seems to enable us to prosper and thrive.
I believe that one of the reasons for this is that we all need to feel powerful. In fact, one could make a strong argument that much suffering of humanity, from family to international relations, is rooted in some humans not having a sense of their own personal power, (which is internal), but having the ability to exploit others, by their fast processing speed and strength of personality, to enable them to garner a sense of external power that they substitute for the personal power they never experienced. (Some would be the grandiose narcissists previously mentioned).
In terms of our emotional well-being, I believe that having a good sense of our own power, in a genuine, healthy and life-affirming sense is a central part of our being in the world. And a major determinant in whether or not we have a sense of our own power is the freedom to choose [2], to think things out for ourselves, and to be responsible.
(Indeed the root of the word responsible in Latin is spond which, interestingly, means both pledge and answer). (I will discuss how responsibility is vital to our existence in a later Sub-Chapter and link the amount of energy we have to do things to being responsible in the Chapter on Energy).
And, furthermore, unlike the relatively straightforward, but highly complicated fields of rocketry, engineering, technology or even heart-transplants, brain surgery etc., attempts to fast-track emotional healing (like all the quick fixes listed here), ignoring the complexity and variability – and, indeed, frailty, that is part and parcel of being part of the human family – have not been blessed with great success.
[1]. I refer to the quiz that I invited readers to do in a previous post, and in particular the question on the Troubles in the six counties in the northern part of Ireland. When the situation was at its worst, the views of those sections of society most hurt by the conflict were excluded, and it was it only when they were included, and power was shared, was any significant progress made.
[2]. The pipe-smoking philosopher Jean Paul Sartre coined the phrase we are condemned to be free. That is, whether we like it or not, we are free to choose (or, not to choose) – and then, of course, live with the consequences of our choices – good or bad! Wouldn’t it be nice if pipe-smoking wasn’t bad for us…..