Paradox
I have used the term paradox before and here we go again.
Dissociation is a (mostly) unconscious choice that we make to survive trauma, but at a cost. The paradox can be observed in the cost.
While we long for safety and security, when we carry trauma we are continually in conflict, clinging to attachment figures while at the same time pushing them away. We may experience loathing of self while at the same time apparently feeling that we are the only person on the planet, and deserve special treatment.
We long to be seen, yet at the same time try to be invisible. In adult life, dissociation due to trauma in childhood (or in infancy, or in the womb) can result in anxiety, depressive tendencies, low self-confidence or self-esteem, poor sense of identity, and may be diagnosed with a wide variety of mental illnesses.
Those who aspire to be healers in the context of trauma, imprisonment etc. need to be aware of the possibility of self-alienation and self-hatred within people who dissociate. Central to the healing must be helping hurt people recognise how trauma splits and often leaves minds and bodies in conflict.
In this, it is particularly helpful to identify those parts that people are happy with, and are embraced and celebrated, (like being a success in sports, art, parenting etc.) in addition to the disowned and harshly judged parts (like problems in relationships, involvement in drugs, behaviours that bring shame and guilt).
The parts that have been harshly judged can be identified as heroes in survival stories. That is, the reason for their existence was survival. Accepting such parts and fostering a sense of compassion and feeling towards them is not beyond the adult self.
This is because children (as I stated above) evoke feelings of tenderness and compassion, and we adults can grow secure attachment for our younger self.
I believe that this approach, when it is done at the person’s own pace, is very powerful, and fits in with the aim of encouraging people to take responsibility for self-healing. I was once my younger self.
Emotional and Spiritual Response
As community workers, we need to be aware of the debilitative effects of the misuse of power and control, perhaps over a long time in first an infant’s, then a child’s life that might continue into adulthood. This misuse manifests in threatening, seducing, bribing, terrorising or confusing children into silence, and enforcing secrecy.
A sense of ongoing shame and effective distortion of reality can actually dehumanise when we are in distress and prevent us finding our true voice. The reason that it is so important for community workers to be aware of this is that we must take great care not to re-enact all the above, particularly shame, during the healing process.
In journeying with people who have been to prison or involved in crime etc. we need to be aware of the debilitative effect of shame. Shame is different to guilt – though sometimes they appear similar. With guilt, we can regret what we did, apologise, try to restore our relationship, and move on.
With chronic, deep-seated shame, we feel worthless and even undeserving to live among our fellow humans. We may feel that we are a burden to our family and the rest of society. Our self-regard is destroyed.
(We are now coming close to the answer to the puzzling question posed in the post in the Chapter on Cause and Effect, as to why people choose to behave in a way that will result in punishment of the most severe kind, i.e. imprisonment).
In this respect, it is my belief that practitioners sometimes need to support families in the Focus Group who might experience the worst manifestations of the corporate values that abound in the Pillars, and which, in turn, can easily trigger the shame that is buried so deep.
In our work we need to take care to foster two-way knowledge flow through collaborative, democratic structures which will create a healing space rather than recreating the dynamics of the original trauma.
Accompanying people on their journey is the essence of being with rather than doing for.