I’m always a bit sceptical of things that become very popular very quickly and some years ago the term narcissism began to come into fashion for describing difficult, oppositional or unreflective type behaviour that always seems to be in denial of its consequences.
And the term narcissist came into vogue to describe a person who, more often than not, blamed others for personal difficulties no matter how overwhelming the evidence was to the contrary.
However despite my scepticism I think that narcissism is worth a mention because (in its unhealthy manifestation):
1. It arises from growing rigid, brittle armour as a result of childhood experience of trauma.
2. Different types of narcissism are linked to early attachment styles.
3. It contains within it elements of dissociation in that: a): It appears to enable the person to change his personality to suit the environment in a way that can be harmful to both himself and others in his life and b): It enables a person, in one situation, to be oblivious to (or forget) commitments given, statements made etc. in another situation.
4. People that have obvious narcissistic tendencies always seem to be yearning for a different kind of life but struggle in attaining it because they don’t seem to be aware enough to know that it is they that need to change.
5. I have observed that the deep hurt that many people (though not all) who experience prison carry lean towards such tendencies.
6. In healing the deep wounds that are at the root of narcissism, the mix of non-formal and formal therapeutic support seems to score quite high.
I haven’t much knowledge of Greek mythology but I know that the word narcissism comes from the Myth of Narcissus. Like all ancient stories and legends there can be a few versions. The one that I like the best goes as follows:
Narcissus, being much loved by Apollo, had a very high opinion of himself. One day he came across a lake and he decided to drink some water. He leaned over and in the stillness of the pond he saw his own image looking back at him. He was so enchanted by his own beauty that he leaned over farther to embrace himself, and then fell in and (like Icarus in a previous Chapter, who got a bit above his station), drowned.
The moral of the story is that if we admire ourselves too much, or have too high an opinion of ourselves, we may come to a sad end. (Perhaps Icarus was a narcissist too)!
But before we describe unhealthy narcissism I will describe the healthy version – which is, like secure attachment, described previously, what we are aiming for in our work with very hurt people in our Focus Group.