It is important for anyone working with trauma to be aware of the difference between public and private trauma. This is particularly true if we are supporting families in our Focus Group.
Public Trauma
Just to recap, trauma is described as a sudden unexpected event causing severe emotional pain, a shock, or a devastating type blow. If it occurs as a public event, (such as a tsunami, earthquake or a plane crash) it is generally perceived to be either an act of God, or an unfortunate, tragic accident after which there is an outpouring of public sympathy and rush of support to assist those who are traumatised.
Of course, this does not diminish the pain or the loss of the families who lose their loved ones, but it is at least a solace to them to think that people are sympathetic.
In a war, it is a little more complicated. The amount of sympathy available for traumatised soldiers will often depend on the general attitude to the war in the country itself. If it was felt that the war was necessary to, for example, keep a population safe from a regime that is perceived to be tyrannical, (such as our own War of Independence), there is considerable sympathy and indeed high praise and approval for participants, even though they may have committed terrible atrocities in the pursuit of their goal.
If, however, this is not the belief, it is a different story. There has been a lot written on how debilitating the level of trauma was in the ranks of US Army veterans who returned from Vietnam – whereas the soldiers who returned from World War Two supposedly were not as traumatised – because the country was, almost universally, proud of their endeavour. And the suicide rate among veterans of more recent wars is deeply troubling.
For famine it is also not that straightforward. I believe that in Ireland, we suffered inter-generationally from the trauma of the great hunger of the 1840’s. The ruling classes at the time were of the view that we were in some way, ourselves, responsible for starving to death in great numbers because of our laziness, stupidity and irresponsibility. Nor was there a huge outpouring of sympathy. (The coloniser was generally unsympathetic and apathetic to our plight, whereas a group of Choctaw Indians, who had also suffered a lot, and heard about the famine in Ireland, sent aid from afar). I believe that it is only now, 5 or 6 generations after the event that we are resolving and working through the trauma that we experienced.
Private Trauma
Trauma, however, can also be a very private event. Knowledge of abuse within the family, including, and in particular, sexual abuse, is almost always kept private. Usually it is not spoken about even within the family itself. In addition to the reality of the abuse, there is a reluctance to be open about bad news in general. I include involvement in crime, imprisonment and/or mental illness here.
I suggest that the reasons such matters are kept private may be due to the following:
1. The powerful cultural norm in our society that we protect our family and that it is a betrayal to reveal anything negative that happens within it.
2. The reluctance to admit that our family is not perfect. The weight of media idealisation of the perfect family is nowadays so strong that (I believe anyway) it equals if not surpasses the idealisation of the Holy Family that we in Ireland looked up to for so many centuries.
3. The behaviour that stems from the fact that ‘I generally defend some course of action that I choose, simply because it’s my choice, and it’s a reflection on me if it turns out badly!’ Even though we, as children, don’t really choose our family (i.e. we are born into it) we still have a huge personal stake in it – as if it is our choice. And, when we get to a certain age, we can, indeed, either choose to stay part of our family or to leave.
4. If we break the code of silence we may be rejected by family and may then suffer exclusion, isolation, loss of identity etc. which is very detrimental to our sense of well-being.
5. Even if it is a bad family it’s the only one I have – and I need a family.
6. And finally, and most importantly, silence and secrecy is part of the abuse itself. Similar to the disingenuous rooms described earlier, its success (if you don’t mind me using that word in the context of abuse) depends on the real truth never getting out.
So even in the 21st Century, when we consider ourselves to be enlightened and progressive in such matters, there is considerable pressure in keeping trauma that arises from emotional, physical and sexual abuse in general, and particularly within the family, private.
What is common to 1 to 6 above is the experience of that most debilitating of human emotions, shame.
Recent research shows that we begin to experience shame very early on in life. One form of shame occurs when a baby does not experience what he hopes for (or expects) from those who he trusts should care for him and love him. This will be described further in the Sub-Chapter on Attachment, as will the difference between shame and guilt.
The shame that accompanies the experience of sexual abuse is, of course, intensified by the prevailing public attitude to sexual activity between adults and children. In times past, when the general public did not have a sense that children had a right to personal integrity, safety, or indeed, when the world had a different definition as to what an adult was, sexual abuse may not have been as private, or it may not have been thought to be abuse at all.
I would say that this was just as bad if not worse for children, because even though they were deeply harmed, they had little recourse to any understanding or support.
Here is a Table which attempts to describe the differences (emotional) between public and private trauma.
Trauma
<<<<<< Public ———————————————————— Private>>>>>>
To Sum Up:
Public trauma (caused by car accidents, plane crash, earthquake etc. i.e. the ‘Act of God’) is shown to the public and the world at large (that is, how we know it has happened) by the collective outpouring of sympathy and very public (and publicised) grief that follows such events.
Private trauma (the hurt that children experience due to violence and sexual abuse that is never spoken openly about) may be shown to the public and the world at large (that is, how we know it has happened) through further violence towards others or self, mental illness, criminal behaviour, abuse of others and eventually imprisonment.
So imprisonment can – in many cases – be manifestation of private trauma. That is, prison is the part of the trauma that the general public sees – the part that is not surface-evident is almost always kept private because it would cause too much hurt to reveal.