In terms of the imprisonment experience, I believe that unresolved trauma is a factor in 1): the rage that might have led the person in prison to commit a serious violent crime, and/or 2): the ongoing, apparent totally unreasonable behaviour that is often observed among people who go to prison – over and above what we may observe as normal anger levels in the general population.
I believe that it also (remember, we are referring to the imprisonment experience here) contributes to a sense of heightened alertness where even the slightest criticism devastates the sense of self, and threatens the default protection system which is often a kind of exaggerated self-importance and sense of entitlement.
Added to this is 1): the desperation to be right, or to win; (the emotional equivalent of a drowning man gasping for air), and 2): the sedimentation (that is, the laying down deposits of habits like sediment settling in the bottom of a slow-flowing river, and eventually becoming thicker, and harder and harder to shift) of years of behavioural patterns that are so ingrained that they are what we often call second nature.
The reason for all the above is that trauma is held far more in the body than in the brain. So generally, when it is triggered, we cannot think our way out of it – our reaction bursts out of us unaware, sometimes in violence, or in totally unreasonable behaviour, and when it is over (and, as is said, we cool down), we might not take responsibility for it.
This process will be better understood as the following Sub-Chapters on Attachment, Dissociation and Narcissism are read.
I often encounter what most people would label as totally unreasonable behaviour and I will give an example here.
Some of my work involves encouraging people (who may be spouses, partners or parents of someone in prison) to focus on healthy boundaries in respect of their relationship. This will be very helpful in the goal of protecting children in such situations.
It is not uncommon for the parent on the outside who has suffered a lot due to his/her partner’s drink or drug misuse to use the prison sentence as a time of respite, a time of safety and security, and free of the controlling behaviour of the person in prison. It is also the case that parents on the outside sometimes find it easier to parent alone than have an unstable and erratic addict contradicting, fighting, looking for attention, and/or giving very bad example to children.
And someone in prison can also use the time incarcerated as a time of respite – engaging with anger management, recovery from addiction, education and many other positive pursuits away from the pressure of their peers on the outside.
I have heard many stories over the years where parents, having improved their housing and financial situations, as well as the educational prospects of their children and their own lifestyles i.e., hobbies or further education, broach the subject of drink and drugs misuse by their partner in prison – seeking a commitment to a sober lifestyle. These requests are based on fears that addiction, criminality, debt, domestic violence, self-destructive behaviour etc. will once again become part of their day-to-day life on release.
Sometimes those in prison respond very well to such requests, and with a bit of support on release settle down and use the skills that they have learned both from self-reflection and on courses inside.
However, I have known of many cases where such requests, despite all the courses done in prison, are met with either over-the-top acquiescence, (which evaporates very quickly post-release), or a very angry response – accompanied by complaints about being nagged. (Anyone who is familiar with addiction or imprisonment will know that such responses would not be uncommon in those situations).
Now – and this is important – in the everyday world in which we live, where so much comparing and judging is done, many people would, naturally enough, view the person who has worked hard (to provide a stable and nurturing atmosphere in the home for children) as the goodie and the person to be released (who won’t commit to a sober lifestyle for the sake of their partner and children’s well-being) as the baddie.
But it will be clear as we discover more about the effects of trauma that this is not a matter of goodie and baddie – an angry reply is merely a trauma response; an emotional outburst that kicks in automatically, on feeling threatened by what most people would believe to be very reasonable requests based on rational grounds.
When trauma is triggered in us we often behave in a way that the majority of people think is irrational.