Earlier I said that I had a theory that ‘if a child experiences positive affirmation and praise in the context of a consistent, warm and trusting relationship it will optimise his ability to learn’ and that this theory would hold true at all times and in all places.
This is because of the existence of the root foundations, and their effect on the child’s intrinsic potential in respect of his growth and development.
On the other hand, in the same post, I was sceptical about a theory that stated that ‘sending men who are addicted to drugs and end up in prison for violent crimes on a six-week anger-management course will effect permanent positive change in respect of their addiction and expression of anger’.
The reason why I doubted the validity of this theory is that I believe that the root foundations will not have sufficient time over a short six weeks to build the relationship within which they work. (Indeed, nurture within loving relationship is central to the entire project of human growth – which is why I included it in the Chapter on Cause, Effect and Nurture).
Because of the existence of the root foundations, our emotional development is somewhat different to our cognitive.
In good enough conditions our emotions mature in a (mostly) non-linear manner, whereas our cognition develops in a (mostly) stepped, linear manner.
Take, for example, the root foundation of integration, and the very young (say, 3 years of age) child having the temper tantrum we described here. This involves a disruption of the psyche, a disintegration of sorts, as we lose our sense of control over self – a very frightening thing to happen to us.
Good enough parenting enables (or facilitates) the root foundation of integration to work at its own pace as the highly charged emotional tide abates and we return to normal. The good enough parenting is, of course, enabled through love within the relationship – which, as I said above, is central to the process – and time which the wise parent will be aware of. This process of reintegration, re-experienced time and time again, is a crucial element of human development.
If we are forced, through fear, to return to normal too quickly (because, perhaps, of our parent rushing us) then we will return to a kind of coached normal to please others and the fear that causes us to do this will disrupt the natural integration process. Our coached normal will, of course, be a mask. Having to continually wear a mask will lead us to developing (what therapists might call) a false self that is safe to show to the world.
Time, as a root foundation, is relevant here – in that we need time to process!
So when we are 50 and something happens that makes us angry, our reaction will be influenced by what is buried in our unconscious memory. It is by reaching back into wisdom acquired (mostly the hard way) and laid down in our unconscious at younger ages that we choose to moderate our emotions so that they don’t cause us undue distress as we grow older – and we don’t dis-integrate every time we get angry. (We’re reliving something that we have experienced already – we’ve been there before – déjà vu as the saying goes).
Contrast this to learning, say, a new language when we are 50. Every word and grammatical rule that we learn will be new. We will not know it until we have learned it – and when we learn it we can add it, intentionally, (i.e. deliberately) to words and phrases learned previously. Even if we have learned other languages we won’t have thorough knowledge of this particular language until we learn it cognitively – step by step. (I called this kind of learning linear or stepped above)
Most of the solutions that are proposed in mainstream Pillars thinking follow cognitive behavioural and linear paths – and often ignore (or certainly sideline) the power of relationship and the other root foundations so necessary for healthy growth.
We will be examining the relevance of the root foundations a lot more in the rest of the website but in particular Section Five – Practical Applications.