Two examples are given below to illustrate how, in our Irish culture, the institution of the family was defended at all costs even up to a few short decades ago.
I will set the examples in the context of people suffering, as avoidance of suffering is a very powerful motivator for many of our decisions and subsequent actions.
First Example
The first example is of a young unmarried woman of, say, 17 becoming pregnant in an ordinary Irish family in the 1950’s. The young woman informs her parents that she is pregnant and she may or may not disclose the identity of the prospective baby’s father. The parents, after they get over the shock, seek the advice of the local clergy and a decision is made that the young woman will be sent to a mother and baby home and that she will immediately give up the baby for adoption at birth.
In the context of people suffering:
~ Her parents’ suffering, brought on by the shame that is likely to result from a baby born with no legal status, (that is, illegitimately) is eased by the young woman giving up the baby for adoption.
~ The suffering of parents who cannot have a baby through natural means is eased by being afforded the possibility of having a baby through adoption.
~ The suffering of the parents of the man who had sex with the 17 year old young woman is also alleviated as their son does not have to carry the stigma of being the father of an illegitimate child (if they know about it at all).
~ The man’s own suffering is (probably) also eased greatly as he can get on with his life without the burden of having to be married – assuming that he is an unmarried young man! (Of course I am aware that the father could be an older married man, perhaps a man of prominence in the community, a man within the girl’s family, or a stranger who will never be seen again).
~ The clergy’s potential suffering is avoided by the maintenance of their all powerful position in respect of family values.
And, in addition to the easing of suffering:
~ The religious order gains financially. (This has been revealed in recent enquiries but I don’t think that it was generally known at the time).
~ One way knowledge flow kicks in as all the people who are powerful in the young woman’s life determine what is good for her but she is not allowed have an opinion as to what might be good for her.
~ This is such a win-win situation for everyone involved that the potential suffering of the young woman and the baby is not factored in at all.
Indeed, it is assumed that:
~ The baby will not suffer long term because he will forget everything anyway, and
~ The young woman is happy to be relieved of the complications of having a child outside of marriage and all that went with it in those days.
Second Example
The second example is that of a 13-14 year old boy being cheeky in school, stealing from his parents, then shops, and getting into fights on the street. Despite warnings from his teacher and his father, accompanied, perhaps by physical punishment, the boy continues to behave in a way that is unacceptable to the adults in his life. Eventually the involvement of the Guards leads a judge supported by clergy and possibly the local GP to send him to a special school, known as an Industrial school, or Reformatory run by a religious order where his behaviour will be corrected so that he will never steal again – and will get an education so that he will be able to get a job when he grows up.
~ Once again, the suffering of the parents, teachers, neighbours, and local shopkeepers is alleviated as the boy is taken away, i.e. the problem disappears.
~ Parents, Guards, the judge and the religious orders know better than the boy himself what is good for him – one-way knowledge flow.
~ There is no attempt at reflection into the dynamics within the family or the needs of the boy that might be a factor in his oppositional or anti-social behaviour.
~ Nor is there any attempt to involve the boy himself in the solution.
~ Nor, crucially, is there a genuine attempt to encourage the parents to hold the boy’s suffering as he makes sense of the world through finding his own voice.
~ And, it is assumed that there will be a positive outcome – the boy will see the error of his ways and grow up to be a responsible well-educated adult.
There are many more examples that could be given of what would nowadays be considered to be the human rights of vulnerable people who are suffering being forfeited so that the suffering of more powerful people can be eased without 1): challenging the status, norms, values etc. of the parents and/or the family in general and/or 2): encouraging the parents to hold the suffering of their children instead of handing over responsibility to an external entity.
These examples span mental illness, criminal behaviour, orphanages, addiction, and similar areas. Some of these solutions caused significant problems for society as I will describe in the next post.