The characteristics in the previous post might be a bit limited in their representation of day-to-day lives of families in the Focus Group.
So to really get a sense of their effect, I believe that we need to at least try and journey a little with family members, be open minded and non-judgmental in the journeying, while at the same time attending support and/or supervision to put the characteristics in context. (The type of support/supervision which would be helpful will be described in the Chapter on Training in Section Five, Practical Applications).
To assist a little in this process, I invite you to imagine, once again, what it might be like to be a young child growing up in a family with some or all of the characteristics described.
All the scenarios below (just a small sample of experiences that a child growing up in a family in the Focus Group might encounter) are truly distressing situations and, on their own, are potentially traumatic. In many families they (or similar experiences) may be recurring events.
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Imagine that I am seven years of age, and I am:
At the bank of a river with my family and the rescue services because my older sister who misuses drugs and who everyone says suffers from depression, and has had a few previous suicide attempts, is missing.
or
In a house where Dad is trying to plead with two gang members for a bit of extra time because my older brother who owes them over €1,500 for drugs hasn’t been seen for a few days.
or
In a sitting room around Christmas with my Mam who is drinking, in the cold and dark with two small crying toddlers because the electricity has been cut off for non-payment, and no one will give us money.
or
Upstairs and feeling scared because Mam and Nan are hysterical, with the Guards breaking down our front door looking for Dad.
or
Waiting for years in emotional pain, hurt and anger, hauled from strategy meeting to case conference, expert to expert, but perceiving little or no change for the better.
And feeling that no matter how hard I try, I can’t get it right so that others will be pleased with me!
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Now I am not including these scenarios to traumatise you and put you off reading further – but I believe that, like the descriptions in the previous post, it is important to grasp what the realities of life can be like for children in families in the Focus Group.
The reason that I used the word journey in the text above is that I don’t believe that there are quick solutions to the problems that potentially arise due to living every day in the circumstances described.
And, while we need to make progress and have goals in our work one of the major challenges is that we learn to trust the process of growth even if we see no obvious progress.
(I will be developing the trust the process theme a lot more in the Chapters on Universal Theories of Change, and then Modalities, in Section Three).
When I was raising funds for the first Bedford Row Family Support and Crisis Intervention Course in 2008 I approached various people for assistance. I showed the characteristics in the previous post to a businessman who had an interest in Bedford Row and its work. When he read them he could not believe that children might be growing up in families having all the characteristics. This alerted me to the fact that I had been working in the area for so long that I had taken for granted that what I had described to him is commonly known – and in fact it isn’t.